How to Sit Next to the Cutest Girls on the Plane in 10 Easy Steps (part 1)

June 9, 2014 by Adam Dunlap

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I just returned from a trip to Guatemala where I went to meet a famous supermodel who applied to be my girlfriend (according to my privacy policy I can’t say her name). She was pretty amazing, but her boobs weren’t that big and she hasn’t yet graced the cover of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit magazine. I know what you’re thinking – I can do better. I thought the same thing, so I ultimately decided I wasn’t interested.

Even though the trip didn’t land me my supermodel honey, I’m pretty sure I did something that not even the most adept womanizers ever accomplish: I sat next to the cutest girl on the plane on every flight. And no, it had nothing to do with luck. I went five for five because I have a tried and true method that virtually never fails. I’ve never spoken of this method before today, but after the success of this trip I thought I’d finally explain it so that men everywhere can benefit from my unprecedented knowledge and experience.

My patent pending method is what I simply call My [Adam Dunlap’s] Tried and True Proven Method to Sit Next to the Cutest Girl on the Plane. It’s a 10 step process you can employ starting today to make sure that your previously boring sleep filled flights now become flirtatious excursions with the cutest girl in the stratosphere.

I’m going to explain all 10 steps, and although the steps are best followed completely and in order, each step actually stands alone as a strategy in and of itself. And yes, these tips generally work for women, too. But, if you’re cute then please don’t use them. You’ll just screw up the system for all the millions of guys out there who will soon be employing these tactics.

So without further ado, here are the 10 steps.

Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley-dive-right-in

Yup, I like your thinking, Rosie. Enough preface, let’s dive right in.

Step #1. Strategically Plan Your Destination

In order to sit next to the cutest girl on the plane there actually has to be cute girls on the plane to begin with. That’s why the first step in my 10 step strategy is to choose a destination that guarantees cute girls will be flying. I’ve been all over the world, and what I’ve found is that flights to and from tropical, impoverished, 3rd world countries usually have the highest boarding percentage of female honeys. I’ve found this is generally so because if native chicas are flying then you know they are upper class (so definitely refined and elegant), and if there are non-native females on the plane then you can be sure they are either exchange students, missionaries, volunteer workers for world health/improvement organizations, or just crazy sex-crazed college chicks going to Cancun for spring break. Either way, no matter when you fly you’re going to be inundated with a combination of sweet, outgoing, active, tanned multicultural, babettes. So my advice? Fly to Latin America.

Step #2. Learn Spanish

Now that you’re going to Latin America, do yourself a favor and learn Spanish. It’s a proven fact that speaking Spanish allows you to connect better with hot Spanish speaking babes. And what’s the point of sitting next to one of those if you can’t connect with her, right? Exactly. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Connection doesn’t mean anything. It’s all about boob size and hip-bust ratio.” I got it, I got it, and I agree. But pretending that the emotional connection with a woman carries at least some value will get you a long way. So pull out your Berlitz language guide and start studying your basics phrases. Or at the very least learn this phrase by heart: “Aye aye aye tu eres muy bonita. Cuando vamos a joder?” That one will get you a long way.

candice_swanepoel_green_lingerie

A picture taken of Candice Swanepoel. I’m pretty sure she was texting me during this photo. In my opinion this is how flight attendants should dress on all major airlines. Except the lingerie color needs to be orange.

Step #3. Book Your Travel Plans At The Last Minute

With a destination chosen and a fluency in Spanish speed seduction now at your disposal, you’re ready for step #3 which is the perfect man tip to validate your laziness. Simply wait until the last minute to book your ticket. Why this works is because by being one of the last to book your ticket it almost guarantees that your well-prepared destined flight babe has already booked her ticket. Once she has done this, you can simply select your seat to be next to her.

Now again with a rebuttal – you might be thinking, “Adam, that makes no sense! What does it matter if she books her ticket first? I still don’t know where she is sitting!” You make a good point, but in this case you just have to ignore your man logic which will always be wrong to her anyway. Trust me, this step is cosmically rational. The added elegance of this is that women like men who take initiative which is what you’ve just done by choosing to sit next to her. So when she makes you breakfast in bed the next morning and asks how in the world you two possibly met, you can explain the depth of your manliness to her added pleasure. And you can start your explanation with something like, “Well, I know this guy named Adam Dunlap, and he taught me….”

Step #4. Let Someone Else Book Your Flight

This fourth step (along with the 5th, 6th) relates to exactly how to book your flight and it’s suuuuuper important so pay attention. Step four is to make sure you have someone else book your flight for you. In addition to getting one more thing off your busy man-filled, car-fixing, football-watching, BBQ-grilling, nacho-cheese-fountain-designing, becoming-awesomer to-do list, this, again, like step 3, delegates your seat assignment to the cosmos. Trust me, you deserve to sit next to the most gorgeous babe on every flight for the rest of your life. And most importantly, the universe supports this view and wants to make it happen. So all you gotta’ do is get out of your own way, and the best way to do that is to have someone else choose your seat. Simple but powerful. Plus it gives you more time to memorize that “joder” line I taught you which you will definitely need.

Oh why hello there Ms. Maryna Linchuk. I feel like I saw you recently on a flight. You definitely weren’t dressed like this. Too bad, I probably would have introduced myself.

Click here to read part 2 of this article and learn steps 5 through 10!

June 9, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Candice Swanepoel, Maryna Linchuk, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap