How to Sit Next to the Cutest Girls on the Plane in 10 Easy Steps (part 2)

June 9, 2014 by Adam Dunlap

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This is a continuation of How to Sit Next to the Cutest Girls on the Plane in 10 Easy Steps (part 1). If you haven’t read that article yet, click here!

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Step #5. Choose A Middle Seat

So now you have a last second booking being made to Latin American and your best friend is taking care of the details. Perfect but not yet refined. There won’t be a lot of seats left to choose from at this point, but make sure that no matter what your go-to wing man chooses a middle seat. No, not an isle or window seat – a MIDDLE seat.

A middle seat is absolutely the best place you can sit in order to raise your chances of sitting next to the cutest girl in the plane. There are two reasons for this:

  1. You avoid being in the same isle as a couple which = 0% chance of sitting next to a hot babe who is single.
  2. It gives you 2 airplane neighbors which mathematically doubles your chances that the girl sitting next to you will think you’re the manliest arm candy she has ever laid boobs upon. 

Some of us get this boob treatment everywhere we go, but for those of you that don’t, your best move is to double down and increase your statistical odds. Don’t argue with the numbers. This one is simple math.

Step #6. Choose a Seat Towards the Back of the Plane

One more detail about your seat selection – make sure that your middle seat is near the back of the plane. Any seat “more towards the back” will do, but when in doubt I’ve found that the cutest girls generally gravitate to rows 25-28 (e.g. 25a, 27c, 28f etc). Or maybe they just gravitate to this area because that’s where I always sit? I’m not actually quite sure on this one, but this is one of those things where I can’t really experiment with other theories since all I can be is me. So if my destiny is to constantly be inundated with hot babes who can’t keep their hands off of me then I must be doing something right and you should copy me. That’s why you’re reading this site anyway, right? So yeah just trust me on this one – choose a seat towards the back and you’ll be set to go. In addition, and most powerfully, this step allows you to effectively employ step #8 which we’ll get to shortly.

nina_agdal_red_smile

Nina Agdal, you tease me so! We both know we’re a match made in heaven. Oh, and this photo has nothing to do with this article which is fine by me :-)

Step #7. Rock a Fedora.*

Your ticket is booked and the day has arrived. Now it’s game time, so pay extra close attention to these last four steps. Step numero siete – if you want to sit next to the cutest girl on the plane rock a fedora.

Here’s the deal – women love fedoras. They are attracted to them like mosquitos to sticky paper, and somehow this affect is compounded at least three fold when the oxygen level is even just theoretically limited (like in a plane). Don’t just take my word for it. Bruno Mars and Johnny Depp have practiced this hat wearing strategy for years, and the little known truth is that the method is bulletproof even if you can’t sing or act. Unfortunately (and here is the one drawback to step 7) not all guys can confidently rock a fedora. And the truth is, if you don’t look as good in one as Bruno, Johnny, or I do, then you’re probably S.O.L. Oh well, consider this one an “advanced step” and do without it for now. In the meantime, accept that I’ve just enlightened you to realize that you need more style. You’ll get it in due time. Just keep reading this site and doing as I do.

*Also wear aviators. They’ll complete your babe-attracting ensemble.

Step #8. Be the Last One to Board

It’s time for step 8 which all by itself can make up for your lack of style, incompetence at learning to pronounce “joder”, and all around worthlessness to date as the man slob you know you are. But hey, this is women we’re talking about. They just want to be loved and they don’t generally care by who. And that, my friend, makes you a rockstar :-) So here is the tip of all tips especially if you fail on all other 9 accounts: make sure you are the last one to board the plane.

Being the last to board the plane is the tip of all amazingly uncirculated man tips. By doing this, not only will you come across to everyone as a badass who doesn’t give a sh*t (which girls fall for every time at least into their mid to late 20’s), more importantly this technique allows you to take advantage of what I call Spontaneous Personal Seat Reassignment (SPSR). By virtue of you being the last one to board, you now know that any vacant seats are truly empty. So if you see a cutie without someone next to her, you can take full advantage, pull a SPSR, and slide in beside her as if that was your original ticketed seat. As long as it’s not an exit row seat or first class seat, no one will ask to see your ticket. The only difference anyone will notice is the girl herself who will have butterflies in her stomach because your badass, sunglasses-sporting, fedora-wearing, late-boarding ways have just proven you can treat her like crap without any remorse. Pat yourself on the back – as long as she’s younger than 28, you’re her dream man and you’ve just made her dreams come true. Like I said, rockstar ;-)

Samantha-Hoopes-sport-illustrated-rainbow-bikini

Samantha!! Why weren’t YOU waiting for me in Guatemala?!! Truth be told, if it wasn’t for Ms. Nina, you’d be my new favorite. I like your swimming suit, too :-)

Step #9. Be Prepared to Organize an Elaborate Seat Rearranging Scheme

It’s rare, but sometimes a comet the size of Texas figuratively hits planet earth and rearranges my cosmic destiny. When this happens, I find myself sitting in a plane, on the runway in Houston, when it’s 108 degrees outside, the plane air conditioner is broken, and I’m squeezed between a grandma who won’t stop talking and a 300 pound black guy named Thomas that didn’t wear deodorant. I mean, we’re going to Guatemala for goodness sakes! How did you forget that one?!! (it was clearly a really big comet). Anyway, when this happens I pull out step #9 which is be prepared to organize an elaborate seat rearranging scheme.

The key to coordinating a elaborate seat rearranging scheme is to get people to willingly change their seats. Doing this is tricky but not too difficult. My favorite method (among many) is to always have a pre-scripted and well-rehearsed story ready to move people emotionally to swap seats. My story usually involves my younger cousin, taking very specific pictures for her because “she got reeeeeeeeally sick and couldn’t come on the trip”, and slipping some Benjamins to the flight attendants. I know it sounds awful, but it’s truly not. In the end, I get the girl, she gets me, and everyone else feels like they have helped out the greater good, which they have. It’s “all in a days seduction” as I say. Also, the fact that I made up a story doesn’t change anything. Truth is, most people don’t mind if you start off a relationship by lying as long as they end up liking you. Keep that in mind both for your plane travels and your day-to-day pickup.

Step #10. If All Else Fails, Redefine Cuteness

So all else failed and now you’re somehow truly on a flight with no girls that are qualitatively bangable. Oh well, it happens, and it’s not your vault. What do you do? The answer is move to step 10 and redefine cuteness. Sure, we all have our boob size preference, but the truth of the matter is that all women are beautiful to someone in some way. So all you have to do is find that perspective and you’re set. It’s kind of like the same idea Jack Black taught us in Shallow Hal. So relax, sit back, open a conversation and see where it goes. That’s what it’s all about anyway. And even if the conversation dies because she’d rather listen to Burno Mars on her iPod, take solace in the fact that this trip wasn’t a total waste. After all, you’re going to a tropical paradise where you’re richer than filth and $2 dollars can buy you cold beer and a massage on the beach. Pat yourself on the back – you’re the man and there’s always the next flight.

Lilly, you’re absolutely wonderful. Don’t change a thing. You may not be from Latin America, but I won’t hold it against you this time :-)

So there you go. That’s my patent-pending 10 step process to get you a flight babe neighbor every time. I hope you learned a lot and apply this to your future travel adventures. One note: as good as this strategy is, it has yet to sit me next to a supermodel babe. But, hey, that’s not really my concern. Supermodel babes usually sit in first class anyway, and when you have one waiting for you at the airport to pick you up in a limo when you land in Guatemala, all this flight planning is pretty much just a warm-up to stroke your ego. In any case, next Friday I’m flying to Colombia to meet another supermodel potential so we’ll see how that goes. I made sure this one has bigger boobs, so as long as she’s not a complete ditz I’m sure it’ll be a worthwhile trip. Fingers crossed.

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Recap: How To Sit Next to the Cutest Girl On the Plane in 10 Easy Steps

Step #1. Strategically Plan Your Destination
Step #2. Learn Spanish
Step #3. Book Your Travel Plans At The Last Minute
Step #4. Let Someone Else Book Your Flight
Step #5. Choose A Middle Seat
Step #6. Choose a Seat Towards the Back of the Plane
Step #7. Rock a Fedora (and aviators)
Step #8. Be the Last One to Board
Step #9. Be Prepared to Organize an Elaborate Seat Rearranging Scheme
Step #10. If All Else Fails, Redefine Cuteness

 

 

June 9, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Lily Aldridge, Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap