Supermodels with 7-11 Mustache Straw Mustaches

June 30, 2014 by Adam Dunlap

I recently encountered a very troubling problem in my life: I felt like I lost the objective ability to rate how hot a supermodel is. You see, in the beginning rating supermodels was easy. It was all about analyzing very simple inputs such as boob size, number of magazine covers landed, and lingerie color preference. But lately I’ve been so inundated with supermodels trying to seduce me on private beaches around the world that they’ve all kind of jumbled together, and I feel like I can no longer tell which ones are actually worth undressing. It’s like information overload in the worst way possible, and it felt like my life was falling apart.

In my darkest hour (which happened yesterday), I had no other choice but to take some time away from the supermodel dating scene in order to re-find my center. Lucky for me and anxious supermodels everywhere, it didn’t take long, and like an anvil landing on the head of Wile E Coyote, the answer hit me: the only way to objectively determine how hot a supermodel is, is to give her a mustache.

Inspired by 7-11’s new mustache straw mustaches (which are totally awesome, go buy one right now!), I’ve decided to pin 7-11 mustache straw mustaches on my favorite supermodels. My point in doing this is to hopefully re-spark my objective ability to figure out which supermodels to accept date requests from. And in case you think I’m crazy, realize that my thinking is pretty sound. It goes like this: if she has a mustache and she’s still hot then she has full permission to seduce me at any time. Makes sense, right? I thought so.

With my purpose clearly stated, below are a few photos of supermodels with 7-11 mustache straw mustaches. And just FYI, if you click each photo then a new window will open and you’ll see the same supermodel without a mustache. So you can compare :-)

Let’s get this supermodel-mustache-rating party started!

candice-swanepoel-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Candice, for a time there I was wondering about you. But now thanks to 7-11, I know for sure – you are a fox. You have my full permission to seduce me at any time on any private beach in the world.

adriana-lima-with-a-mustache

Ah, why hello there Ms. Lima. To be honest, I have always questioned your beauty. Forgive me, it will never happen again. That mustache of yours really brings out your boo— I mean eyes. Although I’m relieved to finally see it, it is unfortunate that it took 7-11 to show me this. But hey, look on the bright side – you now have my forever approval. Let’s celebrate with a Slurpee, just you and me :-)

lily-aldridge-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Oh my Lily!! Don’t change a thing, babe. You got the look and I never doubted you. I just wanted you in my article since you always bring it up :-)

natasha-barnard-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

[Jaw on the floor] Natasha, if you aren’t the hottest pirate I’ve ever seen then my name’s not Blackbeard! And it’s not, but you’re still the hottest pirate of all time. If we ever make love on a Mediterranean beach I hope you’re wearing your 7-11 mustache straw mustache or maybe even a real self-grown mustache. You look amazing in it.

alessandra-ambrosio-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

I didn’t know a girl with a mustache could captivate me so much. Ms. Ambrosio, consider making this a staple of your public appearance. You truly can’t go wrong. Just wow.

maryna-linchuk-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend.jpg

I like. Playful and fun. Thank you, Maryna, for gracing us with your mustache presence. It matches your outfit too! Nice touch. Let the seduction on me begin.

nina-agdal-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

OMG. Nina, grow a stache and let’s get married and have 100 babies. I’m 100% serious. Seriously. #crazyfornina

samantha-hoopes-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Woooooow. Ms. Hoopes, I have to admit this is the first time ever I’m not staring at your jugs. Wow! Ah wait, I’m starring at them again. But the mustache proves it – you’re definitely a keeper :-)

valerie-van-der-graaf-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Nice touch with the stache, Valerie! Thank you for restoring my faith in the hotness of supermodels. You have done me and the world a service. Keep arching that back, and we’ll get along fine.

supermodels-with-mustaches-supermodel-girlfriend

So vogue. I think Victoria’s Secret needs to hire me to do a photo shoot. I clearly have the vision.

Wow, ok so that was so weird and completely unexpected. All those supermodels actually looked hotter with 7-11 mustache straw mustaches! I’m not going to try to explain why, I’m just going with it. And what I’m going with is that after seeing all these photos I can confidently say that my objective ability to rate supermodels is back… and Nina Agdal remains my favorite (click here to read my marriage proposal to her). Thank you 7-11! I don’t know where I’d be without you. Probably getting seduced by a sub-par supermodel.

Thank you for reading my article! If you enjoyed it, leave a comment below! And if you are a supermodel that has yet to be graced by my presence on a date to the South of France, go  fill out my Supermodel Girlfriend Application. I’ll read it over and get back to you if I think you’re hot enough to spend time with me. Thanks so much :-)

P.S. Oh, and thank you 7-11 for giving me a lifetime supply of Slurpies for so creatively advertising your new mustache straws. Let’s do it again some time :-)

June 30, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Candice Swanepoel, Cris Urena, Lily Aldridge, Maryna Linchuk, Natasha Barnard, Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap