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My 6-Step Guide To Always Beating Supermodels At Strip Poker

November 24, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Alessandra Ambrosio, Brooklyn Decker, Featured Articles, Lily Aldridge, Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

There are a lot of fun games to play with supermodels, but my favorite by far is strip poker. I’m not sure why that’s my favorite game to play with supermodels, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I always win. In fact, I’m proud to say that my all-time strip poker record against supermodels is a resounding 152-0. Yes, that means I am undefeated. I’ve heard through the grapevine that even Phil Ivey is jealous of my strip poker record.

Since I’m probably the greatest strip poker player of all time, I thought I’d share some of my wisdom by unveiling my 6-step guide to always beating supermodels at strip poker. By reading this, I think you too will gain a competitive edge in your future strip poker tournaments.

My 6 Step Guide To Always Beating Supermodels At Strip Poker*

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I didn’t have to play strip poker with Brooklyn Decker to know she was cunning and crafty at the game. She hides it well, but her eyes give it away. Don’t be fooled. It takes every ounce of skill to beat a supermodel like this at strip poker.

Step #1. Only Play Strip Poker With Supermodels You Know You Can Beat
Since there is no official strip poker league or federation, you get to decide who you play against. So just like Floyd Mayweather did in his boxing career, only play against opponents you know you can beat. I recommend NOT playing against Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, or any VS angel. Those gals are all really, really good.

Step #2. Never Play Strip Poker With More Than One Supermodel At A Time
I’ve taken a few chances in my life and played strip poker against 2, 3, and even 7 supermodels at once. But I don’t advise this at all because it lowers your mathematical odds of winning. In as much as you can control it, only play strip poker against one supermodel at a time or you’re unnecessarily flirting with a potential loss.

Step #3. Wear Lots of Layers And Don’t Get Caught Or She’ll Call You A Cheater
The supermodels I play strip poker with are usually half naked to begin with. This gives me a starting advantage, and you can add to this by wearing extra layers. I recommend socks or an undershirt as these are inconspicuous, especially in the winter.

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If Samantha Hoopes asks you to play strip poker, turn around and run away as fast as you can! Unless your name is Adam Dunlap, you have zero chance of beating her. She is amazing.

Step #4. Play Chinese Poker. It’s Complicated As Hell, And She’ll Make Noob Mistakes For Sure.
Don’t play the classic 5-card stud or 5-card draw poker games. Instead, chose a complicated poker game such as Omaha, Badugi, or Chinese Poker. I’ve never met a supermodel who understood any of the mixed poker games, so playing them will naturally give you an added edge.

Step #5. Pretend To Help Her But Look At Her Cards
Offering to help your supermodel opponent throughout the game is a great way to gain, yet, another competitive edge. When she lets you give her advice (and she almost always will), look at her hand, and use your newfound knowledge to your advantage.**

Step #6. If All Else Fails, Claim She Cheated And Demand A Restart
If worse comes to worst, and somehow you’re is Aspen on a secret weekend getaway with Nina Agdal, and you’re in the Presidential Suite of a 5-star hotel playing strip poker in front of the fire, and Nina gets incredibly lucky on 9 consecutive hands of Badugi and remains fully clothed in her 2 items of VS lingerie while you’re stripped down to only your compression shorts, then the answer to save your undefeated record is to claim she cheated. This is a worst case scenario, and I don’t like this technique, but it did work for me. In my defense, I think Nina was hiding cards in her bra. We restarted, and I won the following game without even breaking a sweat.

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Nina Agdal is a notable up-and-coming strip poker player. I’d consider her my prized pupil, but I’m so humble that I could never take credit for all she’s learned from losing to me. She really is a natural.

So there you go. That’s my 6-step guide to always beating supermodels at strip poker. Even if you follow my 6-step guide, you’re never going to reach my 152-0 record. That takes a combined level of divine genius, incomparable strategy, and a ton of luck and charm that I can’t fully explain or teach. But if you follow my steps, then slowly but surely you’ll win more and more frequently. I wish you the best of luck! Supermodels are crafty, unexpectedly intelligent, and often very, very lucky, so you’ll need it.

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*A Brief Overview of Strip Poker: Strip poker is an underground version of poker, where the participants play regular poker hands, but instead of betting money, participants wager clothing. The most common version is played such that every time you lose a hand you have to take off an article of clothing. The first person to end up naked loses, and/or (if more than one person is playing) the last person with clothes on wins. Strip Poker is known as a high pressure game, and it takes every ounce of concentration to stay focused, not give in to emotional decision making, and routinely come out victorious especially when playing against supermodels.

**To this day, no supermodel I have played strip poker against has ever suspected I asked to see her cards so I could gain a competitive edge. I don’t know why, but they just don’t suspect it! So I think this technique is foolproof.

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Adam Dunlap’s 6-Step Guide To Always Beating Supermodels At Strip Poker

  1. Only Play Strip Poker With Supermodels You Know You Can Beat
  2. Never Play Strip Poker With More Than One Supermodel At A Time
  3. Wear Lots of Layers And Don’t Get Caught Or She’ll Call You A Cheater
  4. Play Chinese Poker. It’s Complicated As Hell, And She’ll Make Noob Mistakes For Sure.
  5. Pretend To Help Her But Look At Her Cards
  6. If All Else Fails, Claim She Cheated And Demand A Restart

8 Reasons Why I’m the Greatest Snuggler of All Time

August 2, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Featured Articles, Jenna Pietersen, Nina Agdal, Supermodels, Yésica Toscanini by Adam Dunlap

Supermodels are constantly fighting over me and their place in the pecking order of my affections. This has become especially true over the last 30 days since I filed a restraining order against all but 3 of them. One of the many reasons why supermodels (and women everywhere) are so enamored with me is because I’m “the greatest snugglers of all time” (not my words). I’m not here to flaunt my talents, but I will explain the 8 reasons why I’m the best ever. By reading this, maybe you can learn something and become a better snuggler yourself.

8 Reasons Why I’ve The Greatest Snuggler of All Time

#1. I’m a Twin
In general, twins are the best snugglers. This is because they spend 9 months snuggling their twin in the womb, and then they usually spend the next few years of their lives sleeping in the arms of their twin. I have a twin sister, which means I basically came out of the birth canal an adept snuggler, and I’ve built on that by spending the last 29 years of my life perfecting my craft. As any supermodel will tell you, the results are mind-blowing.

#2. I’ve Had Extensive Practice Snuggling Supermodels Around The World
They say practice makes perfect, and it’s true. I get more focused snuggling practice with a more diverse group of gorgeous babes than anyone ever. My quest to find the perfect supermodel for me requires this, and the result is I spend just about every night innocently snuggling supermodels in romantic settings such as Paris, Cancun, and Macau. I learn something and get better every time.

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This is Jenna Pietersen. My memory gets hazy with all the supermodels I’ve snuggled, but I don’t think Jenna and I have ever snuggled. That’s OK. I am only one man and by definition that makes me a scarce resource. I simply don’t have time to snuggle all the gorgeous babes on the planet.

#3  I Never Break Snuggling Etiquette
If you want to be a great snuggler there are a couple natural sleeping tendencies and behaviors you have to overcome. These include things like fidgeting, snoring, sweating, stealing the covers, and talking in your sleep. Most men do at least two of these. I, however, don’t do any of these, and I never have. The result is always a very comfortable and uninterrupted night sleep for the lucky woman who falls asleep wrapped in my arms. In fact, I don’t even have a single snuggling complaint on my record.

#4. I Speak French
Trust me on this one: if you’re a woman, you want the man you’re snuggling to speak the ultimate romantic language – French. This is true even if you’re just snuggling platonically. If he doesn’t speak French you’re missing a powerful element. I speak French, ergo, my snuggle rating is higher.

#5. Harvard and Yale Concur that Snuggling Me Has Unprecedented and Powerfully Positive Biologically Effects on Women
At the request of researchers at Harvard and Yale, I have been the focused subject of multiple double-blind snuggle studies, and they have unanimously concluded that women who fall asleep in my arms experience reduced stress levels, more balance hormones, less anxiety and mood swings, and ultimately they are more rested and wake up more excited for life. In fact, I think their official conclusion was something like, “Holy smokes! Never in a million years did we dream we’d see such a positive effect from snuggling someone. Adam must be the greatest snuggler of all time! Any woman who gets to snuggle Adam Dunlap is definitely one of the luckiest women ever.” You can’t really argue this one since it’s coming from Harvard and Yale. I guess I really am that good.

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This is Yésica Toscanini from Argentina. I am open to snuggling with Yésica, but she can’t wear shoes. Gosh I hate it when supermodels try to wear shoes to bed! Socks are OK to fall asleep with, but shoes are not. When supermodels try to pull this one on me, I always kick them out of bed until they get their act together.

#6. I Don’t Judge Other Snugglers
One of the setbacks to being the greatest snuggler of all time is no one compares to me. You’d think that would make me pretentious and arrogant, but the truth is I never judge the women I snuggle with. Everyone has different snuggling abilities, and even though I’m the best, I don’t feel that makes me inherently better than any supermodels, surfer babes, or other gorgeous women who throw themselves as my feet. That’s the grace I give to women, and I’ve found they really appreciate it.

#7. My Arms Will Protect You Even If There is a 8.6 Magnitude Earthquake
As a man, one of the keys to being a good snuggler is to make your partner feel safe and protected. My broad shoulders and athletically toned physique assure women of this instantly. The result is they sleep better because as they fall asleep they subconsciously think, “Even if there is a 8.6 earthquake and this penthouse condo overlooking the ocean collapses, I know I’ll be safe in the rubble because Adam’s strong arms will shield me from the collapsing roof.” This is true, although I’ve never had to prove this one, and I’d rather not have to.

#8. My Snuggling is Endorsed by Nina Agdal
You don’t have to take my word for it. The hottest supermodel on the planet, Nina Agdal, endorses my snuggling. Go ahead and ask her if I’m a good snuggler or not. She might avoid the question and she might act coy, but when she finally gives you a solid answer it will be something like, “O. M. G. Yes! Adam is the greatest snuggler of all time!” Need I say more? Defense rests.

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Take it from the hottest supermodel on the planet. All bias aside, I think she is probably right – I am the greatest snuggler of all time.

So there you have it. Harvard, Yale, Nina Agdal and countless supermodels and surfer babes around the world corroborate the myth and confirm the truth that I’m the greatest snuggler of all time. Humbly I say, it’s a great honor to have this title, and I plan to continue sharing my snuggling abilities with gorgeous women around the world… until, of course, Nina Agdal accepts my marriage proposal, and from then on I will only snuggle her (I’m pretty sure Nina is the 2nd greatest snuggler of all time, so once it’s officially she and me, why would I snuggle anyone else?). My advice to all gorgeous women out there is to throw yourself at my feet while you still have the opportunity, and hope I give you a chance to snuggle me. If that doesn’t work, then wait until I release my book, “The Art of Snuggling,” and find a guy who has read it.

Thank you for reading, and please share this article with any eligible, elegant, supermodels you know. Plus tell them to fill out my Supermodel Girlfriend application so they can have a chance to snuggle with me. Thanks!

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The 8 Reasons Why I’m The Greatest Snuggler Of All Time

  1. I’m a Twin
  2. I’ve snuggled more gorgeous babes than any guy ever
  3. I never break snuggling etiquette
  4. I speak French
  5. Harvard and Yale concur that I am the best
  6. I don’t judge other snugglers
  7. My arms will protect you even if there is an 8.6 magnitude earthquake
  8. Nina Agdal says so

My Marriage Proposal to Nina Agdal

May 6, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Featured Articles, Nina Agdal, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

It’s 2am, and I just realized something that every man realizes at some point in his life – I’ve seen enough women on the internet to know which one I want to marry. Who’s the lucky girl, you ask? Why, it’s none other than the flawlessly captivating Nina Agdal.

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It took me almost 28 full years of searching, but now there is no doubt – Nina, you’re the one.

I want to propose to Nina. Luckily for me, it’s 2am, and at 2am my brain goes into hyper-drive, and it’s the most creative time for me. So I thought I’d take advantage of this moment and propose to Nina right here publicly with a completely, 100% original poem that I’m going to write right now. And if that’s not enough to knock the fantasy bra off my favorite supermodel, I’ve decided in my creative brilliance that I’m also going to write this poem in iambic pentameter. It really is only fitting for such a formal and romantic proposal.

Nina? I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I’ve been thinking about us, our lives together, and our future. And I have something to ask you:

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Adam Dunlap’s Supermodel Girlfriend Application

April 16, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Alessandra Ambrosio, Featured Articles, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

Adam Dunlap’s Supermodel Girlfriend Application

If you’d like to apply to be my supermodel girlfriend please download the Word document or the PDF version of this application. The links are below. The application is also copied below for reference.

Adam_Dunlaps_Supermodel_Girlfriend_Application.doc

Adam_Dunlaps_Supermodel_Girlfriend_Application.pdf

Adam Dunlap’s Supermodel Girlfriend Application

Included here is the official supermodel application to become my supermodel girlfriend, significant other, queen of my life, and all around luckiest woman on the planet. This application is designed to be short and succinct and only covers the most pressing and initially relevant questions. Further and more personal questions will be asked on potential/subsequent dates to Paris, Milan, and Vienna.

Please allow one full week after the submission of your application for me to review it. All information you supply in this application will be kept strictly confidential. All legitimate supermodels will be considered as will all normal models, fitness models, famous actresses, singers, athletes, performers, and celebrities. However, due to the high volume of applicants, I will only respond to women I am willing to fly to Paris for a first date. Seriously. And don’t be needy and write me again asking how long it will be until I respond. If you do that, I won’t care how awesome your boobs are, I will most definitely not write you back.

Please complete this application and email it to me at contact@supermodelgirlfriend. Please include as subject of your email “Supermodel Girlfriend Application.”

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