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My 6-Step Guide To Always Beating Supermodels At Strip Poker

November 24, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Alessandra Ambrosio, Brooklyn Decker, Featured Articles, Lily Aldridge, Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

There are a lot of fun games to play with supermodels, but my favorite by far is strip poker. I’m not sure why that’s my favorite game to play with supermodels, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I always win. In fact, I’m proud to say that my all-time strip poker record against supermodels is a resounding 152-0. Yes, that means I am undefeated. I’ve heard through the grapevine that even Phil Ivey is jealous of my strip poker record.

Since I’m probably the greatest strip poker player of all time, I thought I’d share some of my wisdom by unveiling my 6-step guide to always beating supermodels at strip poker. By reading this, I think you too will gain a competitive edge in your future strip poker tournaments.

My 6 Step Guide To Always Beating Supermodels At Strip Poker*

brooklyn_decker_strip_poker_supermodel_girlfriend_adam_dunlap_2

I didn’t have to play strip poker with Brooklyn Decker to know she was cunning and crafty at the game. She hides it well, but her eyes give it away. Don’t be fooled. It takes every ounce of skill to beat a supermodel like this at strip poker.

Step #1. Only Play Strip Poker With Supermodels You Know You Can Beat
Since there is no official strip poker league or federation, you get to decide who you play against. So just like Floyd Mayweather did in his boxing career, only play against opponents you know you can beat. I recommend NOT playing against Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, or any VS angel. Those gals are all really, really good.

Step #2. Never Play Strip Poker With More Than One Supermodel At A Time
I’ve taken a few chances in my life and played strip poker against 2, 3, and even 7 supermodels at once. But I don’t advise this at all because it lowers your mathematical odds of winning. In as much as you can control it, only play strip poker against one supermodel at a time or you’re unnecessarily flirting with a potential loss.

Step #3. Wear Lots of Layers And Don’t Get Caught Or She’ll Call You A Cheater
The supermodels I play strip poker with are usually half naked to begin with. This gives me a starting advantage, and you can add to this by wearing extra layers. I recommend socks or an undershirt as these are inconspicuous, especially in the winter.

samantha-hoopes-strip-poker-white-adam-dunlap

If Samantha Hoopes asks you to play strip poker, turn around and run away as fast as you can! Unless your name is Adam Dunlap, you have zero chance of beating her. She is amazing.

Step #4. Play Chinese Poker. It’s Complicated As Hell, And She’ll Make Noob Mistakes For Sure.
Don’t play the classic 5-card stud or 5-card draw poker games. Instead, chose a complicated poker game such as Omaha, Badugi, or Chinese Poker. I’ve never met a supermodel who understood any of the mixed poker games, so playing them will naturally give you an added edge.

Step #5. Pretend To Help Her But Look At Her Cards
Offering to help your supermodel opponent throughout the game is a great way to gain, yet, another competitive edge. When she lets you give her advice (and she almost always will), look at her hand, and use your newfound knowledge to your advantage.**

Step #6. If All Else Fails, Claim She Cheated And Demand A Restart
If worse comes to worst, and somehow you’re is Aspen on a secret weekend getaway with Nina Agdal, and you’re in the Presidential Suite of a 5-star hotel playing strip poker in front of the fire, and Nina gets incredibly lucky on 9 consecutive hands of Badugi and remains fully clothed in her 2 items of VS lingerie while you’re stripped down to only your compression shorts, then the answer to save your undefeated record is to claim she cheated. This is a worst case scenario, and I don’t like this technique, but it did work for me. In my defense, I think Nina was hiding cards in her bra. We restarted, and I won the following game without even breaking a sweat.

nina-agdal-beach-strip-poker-adam-dunlap-supermodel-girlfriend

Nina Agdal is a notable up-and-coming strip poker player. I’d consider her my prized pupil, but I’m so humble that I could never take credit for all she’s learned from losing to me. She really is a natural.

So there you go. That’s my 6-step guide to always beating supermodels at strip poker. Even if you follow my 6-step guide, you’re never going to reach my 152-0 record. That takes a combined level of divine genius, incomparable strategy, and a ton of luck and charm that I can’t fully explain or teach. But if you follow my steps, then slowly but surely you’ll win more and more frequently. I wish you the best of luck! Supermodels are crafty, unexpectedly intelligent, and often very, very lucky, so you’ll need it.

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*A Brief Overview of Strip Poker: Strip poker is an underground version of poker, where the participants play regular poker hands, but instead of betting money, participants wager clothing. The most common version is played such that every time you lose a hand you have to take off an article of clothing. The first person to end up naked loses, and/or (if more than one person is playing) the last person with clothes on wins. Strip Poker is known as a high pressure game, and it takes every ounce of concentration to stay focused, not give in to emotional decision making, and routinely come out victorious especially when playing against supermodels.

**To this day, no supermodel I have played strip poker against has ever suspected I asked to see her cards so I could gain a competitive edge. I don’t know why, but they just don’t suspect it! So I think this technique is foolproof.

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Adam Dunlap’s 6-Step Guide To Always Beating Supermodels At Strip Poker

  1. Only Play Strip Poker With Supermodels You Know You Can Beat
  2. Never Play Strip Poker With More Than One Supermodel At A Time
  3. Wear Lots of Layers And Don’t Get Caught Or She’ll Call You A Cheater
  4. Play Chinese Poker. It’s Complicated As Hell, And She’ll Make Noob Mistakes For Sure.
  5. Pretend To Help Her But Look At Her Cards
  6. If All Else Fails, Claim She Cheated And Demand A Restart

Explaining SupermodelGirlfriend.com

September 23, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Alessandra Ambrosio, Nina Agdal, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

**Copied from AdamDunlap.com**

Hi, my name is Adam Dunlap. In April 2014, I started a website called SupermodelGirlfriend.com. I thought the site was really funny, but a lot of people didn’t like it.

I’m not really sure why people didn’t like my site. It had great pictures of really pretty supermodels, and I always wrote about how much they loved me and wanted to marry me. I mean, put yourself in my shoes – wouldn’t you like a website dedicated to that?

That last statement was a joke. The site was also a joke. That’s why I’m not sure why people didn’t like it. Maybe they didn’t understand it was a satire.

There is a girl named Nicole Arbour. She does satire, too, and she recently made a video for her YouTube channel called, “Dear Fat People.” A lot of people didn’t like that one either. I guess a lot of people don’t like satire.

In a follow up video, Nicole claimed that “People who don’t understand satire are slow.” I agree with her. However, I don’t think there is anything wrong with being slow. And I’d also add that I think many people don’t understand/like satire because it exposes them to their insecurities and that hurts them.

I think satire is a powerful form of communication, and even though some people don’t understand it and find it “offensive” I think that’s the reason satire must continue – to teach people to not be offended. I also think when done right it teaches us not to judge each other.

Be honest with me – did you judge me because of the satire on my SupermodelGirlfriend.com site? Did you? Maybe that’s a good lesson then.

My favorite quote of all time about offending people is from Eminem. He says, “You find me offensive. I find you offensive for finding me offensive.” Think about the implications of that.

Ok, you can stop thinking – I’ll just tell you. The implications to Eminem’s quote is to stop being offended. After all, you are offending people! See how that works? Yeah, it’s weird but true :\

Maybe we all have insecurities. Maybe we should all try to be more sensitive to each other.

Anyway, back to the supermodel site. I didn’t mind that people didn’t like my site. In fact, I actually liked that people didn’t like it. But what I did mind was that people who know me started to get the wrong impression of me. I really value what my inner circles think of me, so I didn’t like this.

The silver lining of people getting the wrong impression of me is it means I’m really good at what I call “life acting.” The short-term internet version of that is apparently called “trolling.” I don’t consider myself a troll, but based on what people have told me, I guess I could be really good at trolling, too.

After a lot of people in the Parkour world saw the site, thought it was real, and got mad at me, someone called me a genius troll and told me to teach him my trolling ways. True story. I told him I didn’t know what trolling was. Maybe that’s why people think I’m so good at it.

Do you know the secret to life acting and internet trolling? Be outrageous and keep a poker face. It’s actually really simple.

Anyway, I didn’t like that my friends and closer acquaintances got the wrong impression of me. I’m not arrogant, and I’m not obsessed with supermodels. I’m actually just a really nice guy, and I didn’t do 95% of what I said I did on the site.

The only thing I wrote about on SupermodelGirlfriend.com that I actually did was sit next to cute girls on planes. This literally happens to me almost every time I fly, and I’m not joking at all!!!! That 10 step guide is naturally how I book flight tickets so I figured that must be what creates the phenomenon so I published it.

Oh, I also proposed to Nina Agdal. That was a real proposal. If she says yes, I’ll actually marry her because that would be a crazy adventure!!! And I’m all about adventure. That’s why I’m here :-)

Oh, I also read a romance novel. It was meh.

The truth is I’m not a fan of supermodels at all. To me they are just people like anyone else. In fact, I probably like them even less than you do. That’s one of the inside jokes that I think makes the site so funny. I make myself sound obsessed with supermodels, but quite frankly you are probably more obsessed with them than me! Haha lol jokes on you : ))))

In spite of my joking, there are two supermodels that I’m authentically attracted to. They are Nina Agdal (duh) and Alessandra Ambrosio.

If there was a genie in a bottle, and someone found that bottle in the Sahara, and that person used one of their 3 wishes to wish that I was forced to choose between marrying Nina Agdal or Alessandra Ambrosio that would be a tough choice. But I’d probably go with Alessandra. She’s older and has two kids, but she’s classier.

Even though, given the choice, I’d choose Alessandra, I didn’t think I had any chance with her. That’s why I proposed to Nina.

Nina, if you are reading this, that does not make you option B. You are definitely option A! :-) I’m just saying you should probably hurry up and say yes to my proposal, because if Alessandra swoops in to seduce me then I’ll be like a deer in the headlights, and I’ll probably end up marrying her instead. So you better hurry!

Unless it’s Nina or Alessandra, I think I’d rather not marry a supermodel. If I had a genie I’d wish to marry a girl-next-door type of girl who understands me. Finding someone who understands you is one of the most important things.

One thing people don’t know about me is I’m really silly. If my genie scenario didn’t reveal that to you then go back and read it again. I mean, how silly does someone have to be to imagine someone finding a genie and using one of their precious 3 wishes to force me to make a choice between marrying Nina Agdal and Alessandra Ambrosio?! The answer to that question is: extremely silly.

The hashtag for my life should probably be #ImAGoofball

Anyway, back to my SupermodelGirlfriend.com site. I’m really sorry to anyone close to me that I hurt through that site or anyone I turned off or gave the wrong impression of me. The reason I started that site is because I like attention. I was also heartbroken, and that site is how I made fun of myself so I could learn to laugh again.

That’s all I have to say about that. Maybe you understand better now.

 

 

The 20 Best Compliments I’ve Received From Supermodels

September 2, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Bar Refaeli, Carla Ossa, Danielle Knudson, Kate Upton, Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

Since I started exclusively dating supermodels a year and a half ago, the babes who dawn our most prestigious swimsuit magazines, lingerie catwalks, and Victoria’s Secret commercials have given me literally thousands of compliments. And I get more compliments from them every day. So I decided to sit down and compile what I feel are the 20 best compliments supermodels have ever given me. I’ve listed them below in descending order from #20 (the 20th best compliment) to #1 (the absolute best compliment). Although these are all direct quotes, I’ve given anonymity to virtually all of them for the privacy of the gorgeous babes who adore me.

Without further ado, here is a testament to my greatness via the direct compliments of supermodels…

adriana-lima-supermodel-girlfriend-adam-dunlap-palm-tree-hugging-sand-beach-feature-image

This is Adriana Lima shown hugging a tree. Speaking of which, she told me I give great hugs. That compliment didn’t make my top 20, but it was a pretty great compliment :)

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The 20 Best Compliments I’ve Received From Supermodels

#20. “I thought you were arrogant and judgmental, but, really, you are one of the kindest and most thoughtful people. I’m so glad I met you.” -Anonymous Supermodel

#19. “Adam, you’re such a great friend. You’re always there to pick me up when I’m down, and you’re always there to listen and support me when I need it. Thank you.” -V.S. Angel

#18. “It’s so refreshing to meet a man who isn’t afraid to speak his mind and challenge the norm. And honestly, it makes me so hot I can’t even stand it!!” -Anonymous Supermodel

#17. “You are amazing in every way! You should go on a national seminar tour and teach other men to be like you.” -Anonymous Supermodel

danielle-knudson-supermodel-girlfriend-beach-adam-dunlap-2

Danielle Knudson is very good at giving compliments. Trust me, I know.

#16. “You’re so hot you make Jared Leto look like the Swamp Thing.” -Anonymous Supermodel

#15. “You do the best motorboats!” -A supermodel with very nice boobs

#14. “Do you know they have statues of you in Rome? I was just there, and you are all over.” -A very cultured supermodel

#13. “Being naked in front of you is one of the greatest honors of my life!” -A natural “10” supermodel

#12. “Please impregnate me right now!” -A supermodel who didn’t want kids before she met me

#11. “Now that I’ve had a chance to strip for you, I’m so confused why I ever had a crush on Channing Tatum.” -Anonymous Supermodel

#10. “I’ve read countless books that said there was no such thing as a man who was as strong as you and also as sensitive and affectionate as you. You must be the only one.” -A very wise supermodel

#9. “OH MY GOD!!!! YOU ARE LITERALLY THE MOST INTERESTING MAN EVER!!! F*CK ME HARDER!” -A supermodel who was captivated by my perspective

bar-refaeli-supermodel-girlfriend-beach-adam-dunlap-2

Study and learn. This is a woman’s “This man is so amazing I have to give him a great compliment” face. I see it all the time. Bar Refaeli is great at demonstrating.

#8. “Your life theories are amazing! You’re so smart you make Stephen Hawking seem like a special needs fourth grader.” -A very intelligent supermodel with an advanced degree in astrophysics

#7. “When I’m with you, I know I am complete. I have only to receive a text from you and my body trembles in ecstasy.” -A very honest and forthright supermodel

#6. “Any woman would be lucky to even just make eye contact with you once in her lifetime! After knowing you for a year and a half, I can say with confidence that if Nina Agdal doesn’t accept your marriage proposal she will go down in history as one of the dumbest women of all time. I mean, I hate that woman! Why won’t you propose to me instead?!!!” -Kate Upton

#5. “You’re so incredibly perceptive and intuitive. I bet you can read all women’s minds, can’t you.” -Anonymous Supermodel

#4. “I never thought I’d come 28 times in two hours. You are a sex God!” -A very satisfied supermodel

#3. “Adam Dunlap – you ARE the greatest snuggler of all time!” –Nina Agdal

#2. “You’re the best listener I’ve ever met.” -V.S. Angel

#1.  “O. M.G. the legends are true – your dick is huge. You really are a perfect man.” -Said by more than 100 supermodels. I stopped counting at around 20 since they pretty much all say this to me.

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A solid list for sure. If you don’t agree with the order let me know! And for all the women out there, I hope this article served as a solid lesson in how to compliment awesome, flawless, amazing guys like me (even though I’m the only one). Thank you for reading and applying your knowledge in the future!

P.S. Oh, and if you know any supermodels who are single and want the chance to experience how awesome I am, tell them to click here and fill out my Supermodel Girlfriend Application. If I decide to give them a chance, they’ll probably thank you every day for the rest of their lives.

alessandra-ambrosio-supermodel-girlfriend-adam-dunlap-pink-swimsuit-2

I’m not going to tell you which one of the above compliments is from Alessandra Ambrosio. But I will give you a hint: if she had met me before she had kids she would have said all of them.

Filing A Restraining Order Against All Supermodels

July 2, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Bregje Heinen, Candice Swanepoel, Carla Ossa, Cris Urena, Elyse Taylor, Karolina Kurkova, Lais Ribeiro, Lily Aldridge, Lindsay Ellingson, Maryna Linchuk, Natasha Barnard, Nina Agdal, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

Enough is enough!! A year and a half ago I opened up my life to dating supermodels with the launch of my world famous Supermodel Girlfriend Application. Since then my life has become completely crazy as just about every supermodel on the planet has done their best to win my affections. The problem is, they don’t know when to stop, and they won’t leave me alone! My phone never stops ringing from supermodels calling and texting me, and they refuse to accept that sometimes I like to sleep alone as shown by the fact that they keep sneaking into my house and lying on my bed in only their VS lingerie hoping I come home and undress them fully. I mean c’mon – give a man some space! Clearly I can’t keep living under these circumstances, and this has caused me to take decisive action.

Before I announce my decision, I have a message for all supermodels:

#1. Please understand that I think you’re all gorgeous, but I’m only one man and I simply can’t date all of you at the same time. It’s just one of those things, and I’m really sorry I’m so awesome and you all want to have my babies, but I just don’t have time for all of you. Sorry!

#2. Even if you didn’t know the above, you should have been more respectful of me, and you shouldn’t have all been texting me 500 times a day with your most recent Victoria’s Secret lingerie photos and whatnot. NEWS FLASH: Guys like me don’t only care about cleavage, and you need to demonstrate more qualities besides just how hot you are when you’re half naked. Got it?

#3. I’ve made it public that I’m really interested in Nina Agdal, and I’d like for you respect that since she and I are probably going to get married, and I’m pretty sure when that happens she won’t want me dating other supermodels, so we might as well call it quits right now and save us both a lot of heartache when we can no longer get together and make out. Thank you for understanding.

Because it’s clear that supermodels worldwide are not respecting my space, I’ve decided to file a restraining order against all of them* (except for a few). Here is a list of supermodels I’ve filed restraining orders against (in alphabetical order):

bregje-heinen-lingerie-victoria-secret-supermodel-girlfriend-adam-dunlap

Bregje, enough is enough. I can’t seduce you every night of the week. I need some time off. Hopefully this restraining order will give us just that, and then we can try to pick up where we left off.

  • Abbey Lee Kershaw
  • Adriana Lima
  • Agyness Deyn
  • Alice Dellal
  • Alyson Le Borges
  • Amber Valletta
  • Ana Beatriz Barros
  • Angela Lindvall
  • Anja Rubik
  • Aurelie Claudel
  • Bar Rafaelli
  • Bregje Heinen
  • Brooklyn Decker
  • Brooklyn Decker
  • Candice Swanepoel
  • Carla Ossa
  • Caroline Winberg
  • Catherin McNeil
  • Chanel Iman
  • Christy Turlington
  • Cindy Taylor
  • Claudia Schieffer
  • Coco Rocha
  • Cris Urena
  • Crystal Renn
  • Daria Webowy
  • Dewi Driegen
  • Doutzen Kroes
  • Doutzen Kross
  • Ella McPherson
  • Elyse Taylor
  • Emanuela De Paula

    marloes-horst-supermodel-girlfriend-adam-dunlap

    Maroles, you have a right to look disappointed, but you really brought this one on yourself. Let’s cool off for a bit and see how we feel in a few months.

  • Emma Cunmulaj
  • Erin Watson
  • Eva Herzigova
  • Gemma Ward
  • Gisele Bundchen
  • Heidi Klum
  • Hilary Rhoda
  • Irina Shayk
  • Isabelie Dontana
  • Jennifer Hawkins
  • Jessica Stam
  • Jessica White
  • Jordan Dunn
  • Julie Henderson
  • Karlie Kross
  • Karolina Kurkova
  • Kate Moss
  • Kelly Brook
  • Kim Cloutier
  • Kristy Hinze
  • Lasi Ribeiro
  • Lily Aldridge
  • Lily Cole
  • Lily Donaldson
  • Lindsay Ellingson
  • Liya Kebede
  • Marisa Miller
  • Marisa Ramirez
  • Marloes Horst
  • Maryna Linchuk
  • Milla Jovovich

    random-supermodel-girlfriend-adam-dunlap

    I don’t know who this supermodel is, but I’ve filed a restraining order against her because she is probably stalking me.

  • Miranda Kerr
  • Natalia Vodianova
  • Nataliya Gotsiy
  • Natasha Barnard
  • Natasha Poly
  • Noemie Lenair
  • Petra Nemcova
  • Rosi Huntington-Whiteley
  • Samantha Hoopes
  • Selita Ebanks
  • Tori Praver
  • Valerie van der Graaf
  • Yasmin Warsame

*If you’re a supermodel and you’re not mentioned on this list then I’ve still probably filed a restraining order against you because you’re probably stalking me. The supermodels I have not filed a restraining order against are Alessandra Ambrosio, Kate Upton, and of course the soon to be Mrs. Adam Dunlap (aka Nina Agdal).

Thank you everyone for your time and for respecting my dating limitations and the fact that I don’t want to have 200 kids from 86 different supermodels. I will let you know if I repeal the restraining orders and once again begin accepting supermodel girlfriend applications. Thank you.

nina-agdal-supermodel-wife-adam-dunlap

Nina, not only are you beautiful, you also know how to respect a man’s boundaries and give me my space when I  need it. That’s why I’m so happy we’re getting married.

Supermodels with 7-11 Mustache Straw Mustaches

June 30, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Candice Swanepoel, Cris Urena, Lily Aldridge, Maryna Linchuk, Natasha Barnard, Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

I recently encountered a very troubling problem in my life: I felt like I lost the objective ability to rate how hot a supermodel is. You see, in the beginning rating supermodels was easy. It was all about analyzing very simple inputs such as boob size, number of magazine covers landed, and lingerie color preference. But lately I’ve been so inundated with supermodels trying to seduce me on private beaches around the world that they’ve all kind of jumbled together, and I feel like I can no longer tell which ones are actually worth undressing. It’s like information overload in the worst way possible, and it felt like my life was falling apart.

In my darkest hour (which happened yesterday), I had no other choice but to take some time away from the supermodel dating scene in order to re-find my center. Lucky for me and anxious supermodels everywhere, it didn’t take long, and like an anvil landing on the head of Wile E Coyote, the answer hit me: the only way to objectively determine how hot a supermodel is, is to give her a mustache.

Inspired by 7-11’s new mustache straw mustaches (which are totally awesome, go buy one right now!), I’ve decided to pin 7-11 mustache straw mustaches on my favorite supermodels. My point in doing this is to hopefully re-spark my objective ability to figure out which supermodels to accept date requests from. And in case you think I’m crazy, realize that my thinking is pretty sound. It goes like this: if she has a mustache and she’s still hot then she has full permission to seduce me at any time. Makes sense, right? I thought so.

With my purpose clearly stated, below are a few photos of supermodels with 7-11 mustache straw mustaches. And just FYI, if you click each photo then a new window will open and you’ll see the same supermodel without a mustache. So you can compare :-)

Let’s get this supermodel-mustache-rating party started!

candice-swanepoel-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Candice, for a time there I was wondering about you. But now thanks to 7-11, I know for sure – you are a fox. You have my full permission to seduce me at any time on any private beach in the world.

adriana-lima-with-a-mustache

Ah, why hello there Ms. Lima. To be honest, I have always questioned your beauty. Forgive me, it will never happen again. That mustache of yours really brings out your boo— I mean eyes. Although I’m relieved to finally see it, it is unfortunate that it took 7-11 to show me this. But hey, look on the bright side – you now have my forever approval. Let’s celebrate with a Slurpee, just you and me :-)

lily-aldridge-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Oh my Lily!! Don’t change a thing, babe. You got the look and I never doubted you. I just wanted you in my article since you always bring it up :-)

natasha-barnard-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

[Jaw on the floor] Natasha, if you aren’t the hottest pirate I’ve ever seen then my name’s not Blackbeard! And it’s not, but you’re still the hottest pirate of all time. If we ever make love on a Mediterranean beach I hope you’re wearing your 7-11 mustache straw mustache or maybe even a real self-grown mustache. You look amazing in it.

alessandra-ambrosio-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

I didn’t know a girl with a mustache could captivate me so much. Ms. Ambrosio, consider making this a staple of your public appearance. You truly can’t go wrong. Just wow.

maryna-linchuk-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend.jpg

I like. Playful and fun. Thank you, Maryna, for gracing us with your mustache presence. It matches your outfit too! Nice touch. Let the seduction on me begin.

nina-agdal-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

OMG. Nina, grow a stache and let’s get married and have 100 babies. I’m 100% serious. Seriously. #crazyfornina

samantha-hoopes-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Woooooow. Ms. Hoopes, I have to admit this is the first time ever I’m not staring at your jugs. Wow! Ah wait, I’m starring at them again. But the mustache proves it – you’re definitely a keeper :-)

valerie-van-der-graaf-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Nice touch with the stache, Valerie! Thank you for restoring my faith in the hotness of supermodels. You have done me and the world a service. Keep arching that back, and we’ll get along fine.

supermodels-with-mustaches-supermodel-girlfriend

So vogue. I think Victoria’s Secret needs to hire me to do a photo shoot. I clearly have the vision.

Wow, ok so that was so weird and completely unexpected. All those supermodels actually looked hotter with 7-11 mustache straw mustaches! I’m not going to try to explain why, I’m just going with it. And what I’m going with is that after seeing all these photos I can confidently say that my objective ability to rate supermodels is back… and Nina Agdal remains my favorite (click here to read my marriage proposal to her). Thank you 7-11! I don’t know where I’d be without you. Probably getting seduced by a sub-par supermodel.

Thank you for reading my article! If you enjoyed it, leave a comment below! And if you are a supermodel that has yet to be graced by my presence on a date to the South of France, go  fill out my Supermodel Girlfriend Application. I’ll read it over and get back to you if I think you’re hot enough to spend time with me. Thanks so much :-)

P.S. Oh, and thank you 7-11 for giving me a lifetime supply of Slurpies for so creatively advertising your new mustache straws. Let’s do it again some time :-)

The Carla Ossa Beauty Test™

May 13, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Alessandra Ambrosio, Candice Swanepoel, Carla Ossa, Elyse Taylor, Karolina Kurkova, Natasha Barnard, Nina Agdal, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

For the last 48 hours I’ve been doing a meditative fast. I sat in the same position crossed legged without moving and without eating or drinking anything. I can’t say I reached full enlightenment during that time, but I came pretty close. In fact, I probably would have made it if Nina Agdal hadn’t called me and asked me to come over to her house and watch Scarface with her. I wasn’t in the mood to be seduced, but I was really hungry and she said she’d make me a sandwich, so I said what the heck.

Even though I didn’t reach full enlightenment during my meditation, I had some very profound realizations. And one of them is what I’m calling the Carla Ossa Beauty Test™. The Carla Ossa Beauty Test™ is a test designed to help men rate female attractiveness on an objective and consistent scale. I named it the Carla Ossa Beauty Test™ because I had the test epiphany during the time in my mediation when I was imagining Carla Ossa and me making out on my couch, in my house, on my private island, during the Superbowl, when I had a million dollar bet on the winning team, which I was coaching via my cell phone, after Carla had just made me a giant pile of nachos with extra nacho cheese. (I’m telling you, if you’re not on the mediation and creative visualization bandwagon, get on it. It’s a good place to be).

Here’s how you administer the test:

Step #1: Find a random picture of some chica you want to rate.
Step #2: Crop the picture to the upper left quadrant of her face. Make sure to include the eye and part of her nose. THIS CROPPING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. MAKE SURE IT IS DEFINITELY THE UPPER LEFT QUADRANT OF THE FACE.
Step #3: Perceive the obvious beauty rating from 1 to 10. (Note: A score of 10 is the top rating. A girl can NOT under any circumstances receive a rating higher than a 10.)

Here is the test administered on none other than Carla Ossa herself.

carla-ossa-beauty-test-carla-ossa-crop-supermodel-girlfriend

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10 Reasons Why Every Supermodel Wants to Date Me (part 2)

April 25, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Alessandra Ambrosio, Candice Swanepoel, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

This is a continuation of the 10 Reason Why Every Supermodel Wants to Date Me (part 1). If you haven’t yet read part one, click here!

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#5. You’ll never go a day without smiling

If you browse this site and you don’t laugh and least a little then you probably aren’t the right girl for me. If you do, then we haven’t even scratched the surface. I’m going to make you smile ear-to-ear every day for the rest of your life. And you and I both know that’s not something you can buy with good looks. Admit it, you’ve tried and it doesn’t work. Well frown no more supermodel girlfriend, that’s why you got me :-)

#4. You’ll always feel secure

Let’s face it – people think you’re a perfect supermodel babe and life is perfect and you have everything perfectly figured out etc etc. You might. But I’m going to wager you still have your off days, and you even have insecurities about your body. Don’t worry, you’ll always feel secure with me. If the washboard abs and broad shoulders haven’t convinced you yet, then take solace in this: they call me the King of Comfort. It’s a testament to my intuitiveness, sensitivity, and strength, and you’ll appreciate it more than you know. Especially when we take a break from all that practicing and get lost in a Tahitian jungle.

Alessandra Ambrosio

I’m trying to find more photos of supermodels that are pretty enough to date me, but they are few and far between. So I keep coming back to Alessandra. If you ask me, this looks like the perfect attire for Tahitian jungle exploring. Nice work, AA :-)

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10 Reasons Why I Love Supermodels (part 1 of 2)

April 19, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Alessandra Ambrosio, Nina Agdal, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

There are the 10 reasons why I love supermodels. And no, it has nothing to do with their bodies (except sometimes). No, for the sake of this article I’m looking more than skin deep and explaining the ten reason why I love supermodels for who they are. Let’s go.

#1. Supermodels have confidence in a bikini

Girls, take note: there is virtually nothing more attractive than a girl that is confident in a bikini. In fact, the honest truth is it doesn’t matter what you look like or how much you weigh or any of that physical stuff. If you can stand in a bikini and be confident enough to impersonate Karate Kid then you are hot! Supermodels have this confidence. They also have this confidence while wearing lingerie. I like. Take note girls, and level up. Or if you’re a supermodel, fill out my supermodel girlfriend application and let’s become an item.

nina-agdal-green-gray-bikini-supermodel-girlfriend

You can’t strike a pose like this unless you’re confident in a bikini. Simple as that.

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Adam Dunlap’s Supermodel Girlfriend Application

April 16, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Alessandra Ambrosio, Featured Articles, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

Adam Dunlap’s Supermodel Girlfriend Application

If you’d like to apply to be my supermodel girlfriend please download the Word document or the PDF version of this application. The links are below. The application is also copied below for reference.

Adam_Dunlaps_Supermodel_Girlfriend_Application.doc

Adam_Dunlaps_Supermodel_Girlfriend_Application.pdf

Adam Dunlap’s Supermodel Girlfriend Application

Included here is the official supermodel application to become my supermodel girlfriend, significant other, queen of my life, and all around luckiest woman on the planet. This application is designed to be short and succinct and only covers the most pressing and initially relevant questions. Further and more personal questions will be asked on potential/subsequent dates to Paris, Milan, and Vienna.

Please allow one full week after the submission of your application for me to review it. All information you supply in this application will be kept strictly confidential. All legitimate supermodels will be considered as will all normal models, fitness models, famous actresses, singers, athletes, performers, and celebrities. However, due to the high volume of applicants, I will only respond to women I am willing to fly to Paris for a first date. Seriously. And don’t be needy and write me again asking how long it will be until I respond. If you do that, I won’t care how awesome your boobs are, I will most definitely not write you back.

Please complete this application and email it to me at contact@supermodelgirlfriend. Please include as subject of your email “Supermodel Girlfriend Application.”

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