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Filing A Restraining Order Against All Supermodels

July 2, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Bregje Heinen, Candice Swanepoel, Carla Ossa, Cris Urena, Elyse Taylor, Karolina Kurkova, Lais Ribeiro, Lily Aldridge, Lindsay Ellingson, Maryna Linchuk, Natasha Barnard, Nina Agdal, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

Enough is enough!! A year and a half ago I opened up my life to dating supermodels with the launch of my world famous Supermodel Girlfriend Application. Since then my life has become completely crazy as just about every supermodel on the planet has done their best to win my affections. The problem is, they don’t know when to stop, and they won’t leave me alone! My phone never stops ringing from supermodels calling and texting me, and they refuse to accept that sometimes I like to sleep alone as shown by the fact that they keep sneaking into my house and lying on my bed in only their VS lingerie hoping I come home and undress them fully. I mean c’mon – give a man some space! Clearly I can’t keep living under these circumstances, and this has caused me to take decisive action.

Before I announce my decision, I have a message for all supermodels:

#1. Please understand that I think you’re all gorgeous, but I’m only one man and I simply can’t date all of you at the same time. It’s just one of those things, and I’m really sorry I’m so awesome and you all want to have my babies, but I just don’t have time for all of you. Sorry!

#2. Even if you didn’t know the above, you should have been more respectful of me, and you shouldn’t have all been texting me 500 times a day with your most recent Victoria’s Secret lingerie photos and whatnot. NEWS FLASH: Guys like me don’t only care about cleavage, and you need to demonstrate more qualities besides just how hot you are when you’re half naked. Got it?

#3. I’ve made it public that I’m really interested in Nina Agdal, and I’d like for you respect that since she and I are probably going to get married, and I’m pretty sure when that happens she won’t want me dating other supermodels, so we might as well call it quits right now and save us both a lot of heartache when we can no longer get together and make out. Thank you for understanding.

Because it’s clear that supermodels worldwide are not respecting my space, I’ve decided to file a restraining order against all of them* (except for a few). Here is a list of supermodels I’ve filed restraining orders against (in alphabetical order):

bregje-heinen-lingerie-victoria-secret-supermodel-girlfriend-adam-dunlap

Bregje, enough is enough. I can’t seduce you every night of the week. I need some time off. Hopefully this restraining order will give us just that, and then we can try to pick up where we left off.

  • Abbey Lee Kershaw
  • Adriana Lima
  • Agyness Deyn
  • Alice Dellal
  • Alyson Le Borges
  • Amber Valletta
  • Ana Beatriz Barros
  • Angela Lindvall
  • Anja Rubik
  • Aurelie Claudel
  • Bar Rafaelli
  • Bregje Heinen
  • Brooklyn Decker
  • Brooklyn Decker
  • Candice Swanepoel
  • Carla Ossa
  • Caroline Winberg
  • Catherin McNeil
  • Chanel Iman
  • Christy Turlington
  • Cindy Taylor
  • Claudia Schieffer
  • Coco Rocha
  • Cris Urena
  • Crystal Renn
  • Daria Webowy
  • Dewi Driegen
  • Doutzen Kroes
  • Doutzen Kross
  • Ella McPherson
  • Elyse Taylor
  • Emanuela De Paula

    marloes-horst-supermodel-girlfriend-adam-dunlap

    Maroles, you have a right to look disappointed, but you really brought this one on yourself. Let’s cool off for a bit and see how we feel in a few months.

  • Emma Cunmulaj
  • Erin Watson
  • Eva Herzigova
  • Gemma Ward
  • Gisele Bundchen
  • Heidi Klum
  • Hilary Rhoda
  • Irina Shayk
  • Isabelie Dontana
  • Jennifer Hawkins
  • Jessica Stam
  • Jessica White
  • Jordan Dunn
  • Julie Henderson
  • Karlie Kross
  • Karolina Kurkova
  • Kate Moss
  • Kelly Brook
  • Kim Cloutier
  • Kristy Hinze
  • Lasi Ribeiro
  • Lily Aldridge
  • Lily Cole
  • Lily Donaldson
  • Lindsay Ellingson
  • Liya Kebede
  • Marisa Miller
  • Marisa Ramirez
  • Marloes Horst
  • Maryna Linchuk
  • Milla Jovovich

    random-supermodel-girlfriend-adam-dunlap

    I don’t know who this supermodel is, but I’ve filed a restraining order against her because she is probably stalking me.

  • Miranda Kerr
  • Natalia Vodianova
  • Nataliya Gotsiy
  • Natasha Barnard
  • Natasha Poly
  • Noemie Lenair
  • Petra Nemcova
  • Rosi Huntington-Whiteley
  • Samantha Hoopes
  • Selita Ebanks
  • Tori Praver
  • Valerie van der Graaf
  • Yasmin Warsame

*If you’re a supermodel and you’re not mentioned on this list then I’ve still probably filed a restraining order against you because you’re probably stalking me. The supermodels I have not filed a restraining order against are Alessandra Ambrosio, Kate Upton, and of course the soon to be Mrs. Adam Dunlap (aka Nina Agdal).

Thank you everyone for your time and for respecting my dating limitations and the fact that I don’t want to have 200 kids from 86 different supermodels. I will let you know if I repeal the restraining orders and once again begin accepting supermodel girlfriend applications. Thank you.

nina-agdal-supermodel-wife-adam-dunlap

Nina, not only are you beautiful, you also know how to respect a man’s boundaries and give me my space when I  need it. That’s why I’m so happy we’re getting married.

Overboob vs. Underboob: Which is the Better Look For You? (part 2)

April 7, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Maryna Linchuk, Nina Agdal, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

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If you are here and haven’t read Part 1 of this article, click here and read before proceeding!

If you don’t, you may become thoroughly confused, especially if you are a woman since you don’t know what this debate is all about.

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For the last 8 months, I’ve been laboring over the best method in which to officially, definitively, and unbiasedly resolve and pronounce the better boob look: the Overboob Look or the Underboob Look. After many sleepless nights spent caressing and analyzing supermodel boobs up close and personal in my king size bed which overlooks the Mediterranean Sea (aka research), I finally realized the method – pin the looks against each other in a 5-round head-to-head visual battle of the titans.

For the battle format I’m going to present 5 picture-to-picture match-ups of Overboobs vs. Underboobs. We’re going to let the boobs battle it out, and I will accompany the match-ups with LIVE action commentary. By the end of the 5 rounds, I am confident that we’ll finally know which boob look is the winner and, thus, which boob look you can definitively rock on the daily to hopefully one day get a rock (if you know what I mean ;-). Along the way, I have a feeling we’re also going to uncover some other great tips you ladies can use to spruce up your look and make sure your man actually looks away from the TV when he talks to you.

Without further ado, let’s get to it, let’s find an answer to this historic debate, and let’s throw away your old raggedy self for the hotter better version of you by finding which boob look is better.

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Round #1: Shy Girl vs. Timid Girl

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Round #1: Shy Girl vs. Timid Girl

We are kicking off our historic Overboob vs. Underboob night of bouts with a match-up that I love. Not only do we have too very unassuming women pinned against each other, I also think this matchup really shows what some good boobage can do for your confidence level and love life.

Here on the left we have Maryna Linchuk who is representing Team Overboob. She is obviously very shy and clearly even a little insecure, but she stands strong in her white and pink lingerie combo which comes across nicely. She is matched up against the girl on the right who is representing Team Underboob and is obviously very timid and lacks confidence as well. If it wasn’t for their boobs displayed so prominently, I’m sure you’d see all the insecurities that these women clearly have. That’s what so encouraging about this match-up – it shows that the way you position your boobs can really change your disposition for the better, and men will notice. Take note and choose wisely.

So now the decision, which boob-look make these equally insecure girls look more confident and ready to get down and dirty? In this case, I gotta go with Ms. Timid on the right representing Team Underboob! It’s hard to beat the underboob + jean short combo. I’m pretty sure just about every guy on the planet wants to fondle those perky spheres even if they are fake. And I’m pretty sure any guy will want to fondle your melons if you can sport even a fraction of this look. What a great first round taken by the Underboob Look.

Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 1

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Round #2: Typical Soccer Mom vs. Typical Soccer Mom

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Round #2: Typical Soccer Mom vs. Typical Soccer Mom

For round 2 we have a typical soccer mom on the left going up against another typical soccer mom on the right. I’m so thankful we found such ordinary soccer moms to volunteer for this momentous standoff!

It’s a close battle between the boob displays, so we have to dig deeper for this one. The only difference between these two typical soccer moms that I can see is how hard these two are willing to work. You can tell that the typical soccer mom on the left loves her kids and is there to support them and scream encouragement even if they suck. The typical soccer mom on the right is obviously there to do the same. However, typical mom #2 has clearly gone the extra mile and has volunteered to play line judge. She has even gotten a little dirty doing it. Bravo #2! You’re a great example for aspiring moms everywhere. Also, take note, ladies, because those referee uniforms look really great. Totally vogue. You might want to consider getting one to wear around the house on your day off. They are so much better than baggy, frumpy sweatpants, I can assure you.

So now the decision. For this round, the differing boob-looks ultimately manifested in a different energy which is reflected in the commitment of the soccer moms themselves. So the winner is…. extra-hard working, typical, dirty soccer mom! Alright! Everyone say it with me – Way to go Mom!!! And way to take home another round for the Underboob contingent.

Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 2

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Round #3: Blue Eyed Stunner vs. Brown Eyed Bombshell

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Round #3: Blue Eyed Stunner vs. Brown Eyed Bombshell

Some guys like blue eyes, and some guys like brown eyes. But one thing all guys like is boobs. That’s why I love this round #3 Overboob vs. Underboob match-up – it takes eye color completely out of the equation so we can focus on which boob look is authentically the best. #iLikeBrownEyes

We have Blue Eyed Stunner on the left representing Team Overboob. She’s sporting Armani underwear and a sultry look. I like. She’s pinned against our home-grown Brown Eyed Bombshell on the right representing Team Underboob. She’s basically in the process of getting undressed which I like, too. As always is the case with rating babes based on only one photo, we men are really good at it. In this case, however, the result is going to have to be a split decision because let’s face it – any time a guy sees any part of your boobs he’s gonna love you all the more regardless. Girls, you might want to keep that in mind next time you’re at the bar and you can’t find someone to take you home.

Now the decision. As always, this is a tough one, but I’ve tallied the score cards and I am pleased to announce that the winner of this round goes to…..……….…. home-grown Brown Eyed Bombshell on the right representing Team Underboob! (oh, and clearly this girl is super sweet and kind which is tooootallly not important but it’s always great to see the nice ones win). Way to go #2 for practically taking off your clothes and, more importantly, taking home the win for the Team Underboob and all us guys in the brown eyed camp. #nobias

Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 3

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Round #4: Normal Housewife vs. Normal Housewife

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Round #4: Normal Housewife vs. Normal Housewife

For round #4 we have another very special match-up. We found two very normal housewives and asked them to go head to head for the sake of ending this man debate once and for all. Let’s give a giant round-of-applause for these two normal housewives who didn’t even take the time to dress up or do their hair. I love the natural looks!

Housewife #1 (on the left) is representing Team Overboob. She looks like she just got out of bed after I got home from slaving away to make enough money to pay for her expensive bed sheets (which I don’t care about) and her designer purse purchases (which I don’t care about, either). Housewife #2 (on the right) is representing Team Underboob. She looks like she has been working all day to make our house spotless. I gotta say, ladies, I think I speak for all men when I say we have a special place in our hearts for women who clean up after our messes and never complain. That’s definitely a life lesson to put in your bra strap for a future date.

Ok, so I must tangent here and say something else that is soooo important. And this is a personal tangent but definitely worth sharing. Any girl that is like Housewife #2 (on the right), is what I call a “Proverb 31 Woman.” This nickname is inspired by the account given by Solomon of a woman in Proverbs 31 in the Old Testament of the Bible. Look it up and read his account and I think you’ll see that the resemblance is striking. Bravo, Solomon. You nailed it! Gals, trust me when I say that becoming a Proverb 31 Woman should definitely be on your bucket list.

Now to the cards. Both of these typical housewives are extremely sexy, and I’m pretty sure I’d let both of them sleep in my bed and clean my house any time they wanted whether on the same night or alternate evenings. And yet, a decision must be made, so the winner is [DRUMROLL] the hardworking, Proverbs 31 housewife on the right representing Team Underboob! Ladies, I hope you’re taking notes and reading between the lines. There is a reason Team Underboob continues its boob domination, and it’s more than nipple deep.

Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 4

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Round #5: Nina Agdal vs. Nina Agdal (Match of the Millennia)

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Round #5: The Match of the Millennia – Nina Agdal vs. Nina Agdal

Oh my gawd. I mean really. Oh. My. Gawwwwd. I never thought we’d see a matchup like this. Really, never. The final and definitive round of our historic contest is Nina Agdal vs. Nina Agdal. Match of the Millennia indeed!

Before I get into my analysis, I can’t say enough about this match-up. This round #5 Over vs. Under bout clearly rivals the famous Fischer vs. Byrne match of ‘56. It’s that exciting and unexpected. I’m sure we’ll be talking about it for decades to come. I mean really, put these two babes in mud pit and I’m sure it’d get more Pay Per View buys than the upcoming Pacquiao-Mayweather fight. Nothing but “WOW” and sophisticated captivation here. It’s a perfect contest that I can’t say enough about. What. A. Matchup!!

Um, ok, so this matchup is so amazing that I’m actually speechless, drooling, and without any ability to analyze. So I’m just gonna make a rash albeit confident decision. The smile wins me over. The Underboob look wins again making it a clean sweep!

Final Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 5

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So there you have it world. The answer men (and women, although they didn’t know it) have been searching for for centuries – the Underboob Look is greater than the Overboob Look! In addition to this groundbreaking decision, I’m also pleased with how much ground we covered in this article about other ways “to be a better woman.” Ladies, the results are clear and they have implications far beyond just a boob look:

If you want to be the hottest woman possible and if you want to be a woman worth marrying and staying with, then you need to be a timid and a hard working soccer mom who isn’t afraid to volunteer and get muddy, wear brown contact lenses if you don’t have deep brown eyes, stop buying designer purses with your man’s credit card, scrub the house every day from top to bottom, smile, never complain, have boobs as perfect as Nina Agdal, make sure your name is Nina Agdal, and when I come home from work just be naked because that’s really the best way to impress me, Adam Dunlap, and pretty much every man out there. Thank you in advance, Nina!

BUT, and I say BUT because I understand that’s asking a lot, BUT if for any reason you can’t do some or all of the above, then consider your easy fallback as simply rocking the Underboob Look. What we’ve found today is the Underboob Look IS definitively the best look for you! It will help you discover who you are, it will help you become more confident, and it will overall take you a long, long way to landing and keeping the man of your dreams.

That’s the end of this article. Thank you everyone for reading! I’m really excited to now be writing for a female audience as I know I have so much to impart on all of you. In my next article, I’ll discuss whether it’s more attractive let your nipples show through your shirt or to keep them covered. I’m leaning towards, “Yes, of course, let them show!”, but we’ll break it down and go into detail so you gals can know why and how to apply it.

Wishing you all a great week!

Overboob vs. Underboob: Which is the Better Look For You? (part 1)

April 7, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Maryna Linchuk, Nina Agdal, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

My Supermodel Girlfriend site has taken a lot of flak over the last year or so. In that time, about 2.6 million people have called it, “Objectifying to women although quite sexy,” and another 600,000 or so have called it, “Downright repulsive but oddly addictive and fun to read.” Although I can see how the simultaneous public jealousy and admiration of all the supermodel attention I get could cause these mixed (and ultimately unfair) reviews, I really did take all the feedback to heart.

The result of my heartfelt reconsideration of this site is I’ve decided to make a prominent change – I’ve decided to start writing my articles specifically for women. (and that’s different from the past where I specifically wrote for supermodels who wanted to marry me). I now intend to write for the general female public with the aim of helping all women everywhere find true love, please their man, and simply become hotter. This article is the first in that pursuit, and in advance I will say, “You are welcome!!” because I know all you women will enjoy reading this article because of its great descriptions, pictures, and insight. Plus you are going to learn so much!

Alright ladies, so now that this article is for you, let’s not waste time talking about my latest supermodel threesome (that’s definitely worth talking about, but we’ll save it for another time). Let’s jump right into why you are here. For the same reasons that you read all those fashion and style magazines, you’re here because you want to become more attractive to men and make them (or him specifically) go crazy over you every day for the rest of your life. Luckily, you now have me in your corner, and I think I’ve found the perfect adjustment that will help you accomplish this impossible-until-now goal. It’s based around the Overboob vs. Underboob conundrum.

Now some backtracking to bring all you ladies up to speed. The Overboob vs. Underboob conundrum is actually an ongoing man-debate that has been raging in secret for the better part of 600 years. It is based around two different “boob looks,” (the Overboob Look vs the Underboob Look) and men are divided on which boob look is hotter and makes your lady humps more deserving of being fondled by one of us. Until today no man has ever provided a definitive resolution to the question because men are dumb. But I am the profound and unique exception to the all-encompassing “Men Are Dumb” rule, so I have dutifully taken it upon myself to officially end this debate once and for all through this article. Clearly everyone stands to benefit from this announcement (especially all you women), so you can all thank me in your adoring fan mail which I know you will write soon.

Let’s get specific. Pictures say a thousand words, and since men aren’t good at using words (I am, again, the unique exception) I’ve decided to explain the Overboob and Underboob looks via pictures (which are always the catalysts for these man-debates anyway). Along with the pictures, I have included succinct descriptions. I’ve also written some of my own feedback so you women can better understand the delineation between the looks and how you can implement them to be perceived as a more elegant, stunning, and worthwhile booty call.

Look #1: The Overboob Look

Below is a picture of the original Overboob Look. Basically any look is considered an Overboob Look when you can see the top part of the boobs. It’s super classic and can be worn when you go out and when you stay in. Truly put, it’s always a man-pleaser no matter the occasion. Plus with today’s push-up bras and revolutionary “socks in your bra” tricks, pretty much any woman can sport this look no matter your actual cup size.

penelope-cruz-overboob-supermodel-girlfriend-adam-dunlap

Penelope Cruz shows us what a simple and strong Overboob look is. It’s classy and inviting, but it doesn’t have to be so forward that guys think you’re a whore.

Look #2: The Underboob Look

The picture below shows a classic Underboob Look. Basically a look is considered an Underboob Look when you can see the bottom part of the boobs and the rest of the mammary is covered. Comparatively speaking, between the two looks, the Underboob look is the far rarer one. And that’s great because one of the big advantages with this look is it still has that “originality” edge so you won’t feel like you’re copying some other chick (I know you gals are really sensitive about being original). Overall, the Overboob look is a a fantastic look that shows a great style and presence and can be worn almost religiously due to its versatility..

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From my experience, camp counselors that sport the Underboob Look are some of the best counselors. I’ve found that in general they seem to be kind and encouraging, and I think that’s really indicative of what the Underboob Look brings out in the women who sport it. More on this later.

Look #3: Overboob Look (variation #1)

This third picture, shown below, is another example of an Overboob Look. It’s a variation because it’s clearly different from the Penelope Cruz example as it starts to show the sides of the boobs as well. But even though more of the boob is showing, it’s still considered “Overboob.” Don’t let it confuse you – I like to say, “When it doubt, just assume it’s Overboob.” This is definitely a great variation to consider for all you gals. You can sport this look in your personal “It’s time to please my man” time, and you can pull it off in public with a really elegant dress that is specifically made for this look. You really can’t go wrong with Overboob variation #1.

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Gemma Atkinson kindly volunteered this photo to us. It shows that the classic version of the Overboob look doesn’t have to be restricted to just showing the top part of your boobs. I hope that’s encouraging to you gals out there. It really is OK to think outside the box when you’re thinking about how to show off your hooters.

Look #4: Great Boob Look (aka Overboob Look (variation #2))

The 4th picture below shows a boob look that is really common especially on Miami beaches and in Brazil. But, ummm, I’m not actually sure what this look is called since it shows all sides of the boob. Usually as men we just call this look, “Awesome.” Some looks don’t need to be classified as they are too good to be pigeonholed with dumb man-delineations. So technically I’d argue this is is “Overboob Look (variation #2),” but honestly no one really cares. If you have boobs like these, you can sport them anytime, anywhere, and with complete confidence. However, my recommendation is to be a bit more reserved. Use this as a “summer only” look or break it out during an impromptu blizzard to be extra sexy.

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Special thanks to Kate Upton and Sports Illustrated for working together to bring us this very educational capture!

So there you have it. That was a quick photo-guide overview to the two main boob looks. Does that all make sense? Again, and to be clear, there are really only two boob looks (not including being topless), but I decided to publish four photos in order to answer the clarifying questions that are always there. Now that all you ladies are up to speed, let’s move on to figure out which boob look (Overboob or Underboob) is definitively better and which look is the best for you.

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Click here to read Part 2 and find out which boob look is the best for you!

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Supermodels with 7-11 Mustache Straw Mustaches

June 30, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Candice Swanepoel, Cris Urena, Lily Aldridge, Maryna Linchuk, Natasha Barnard, Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

I recently encountered a very troubling problem in my life: I felt like I lost the objective ability to rate how hot a supermodel is. You see, in the beginning rating supermodels was easy. It was all about analyzing very simple inputs such as boob size, number of magazine covers landed, and lingerie color preference. But lately I’ve been so inundated with supermodels trying to seduce me on private beaches around the world that they’ve all kind of jumbled together, and I feel like I can no longer tell which ones are actually worth undressing. It’s like information overload in the worst way possible, and it felt like my life was falling apart.

In my darkest hour (which happened yesterday), I had no other choice but to take some time away from the supermodel dating scene in order to re-find my center. Lucky for me and anxious supermodels everywhere, it didn’t take long, and like an anvil landing on the head of Wile E Coyote, the answer hit me: the only way to objectively determine how hot a supermodel is, is to give her a mustache.

Inspired by 7-11’s new mustache straw mustaches (which are totally awesome, go buy one right now!), I’ve decided to pin 7-11 mustache straw mustaches on my favorite supermodels. My point in doing this is to hopefully re-spark my objective ability to figure out which supermodels to accept date requests from. And in case you think I’m crazy, realize that my thinking is pretty sound. It goes like this: if she has a mustache and she’s still hot then she has full permission to seduce me at any time. Makes sense, right? I thought so.

With my purpose clearly stated, below are a few photos of supermodels with 7-11 mustache straw mustaches. And just FYI, if you click each photo then a new window will open and you’ll see the same supermodel without a mustache. So you can compare :-)

Let’s get this supermodel-mustache-rating party started!

candice-swanepoel-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Candice, for a time there I was wondering about you. But now thanks to 7-11, I know for sure – you are a fox. You have my full permission to seduce me at any time on any private beach in the world.

adriana-lima-with-a-mustache

Ah, why hello there Ms. Lima. To be honest, I have always questioned your beauty. Forgive me, it will never happen again. That mustache of yours really brings out your boo— I mean eyes. Although I’m relieved to finally see it, it is unfortunate that it took 7-11 to show me this. But hey, look on the bright side – you now have my forever approval. Let’s celebrate with a Slurpee, just you and me :-)

lily-aldridge-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Oh my Lily!! Don’t change a thing, babe. You got the look and I never doubted you. I just wanted you in my article since you always bring it up :-)

natasha-barnard-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

[Jaw on the floor] Natasha, if you aren’t the hottest pirate I’ve ever seen then my name’s not Blackbeard! And it’s not, but you’re still the hottest pirate of all time. If we ever make love on a Mediterranean beach I hope you’re wearing your 7-11 mustache straw mustache or maybe even a real self-grown mustache. You look amazing in it.

alessandra-ambrosio-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

I didn’t know a girl with a mustache could captivate me so much. Ms. Ambrosio, consider making this a staple of your public appearance. You truly can’t go wrong. Just wow.

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I like. Playful and fun. Thank you, Maryna, for gracing us with your mustache presence. It matches your outfit too! Nice touch. Let the seduction on me begin.

nina-agdal-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

OMG. Nina, grow a stache and let’s get married and have 100 babies. I’m 100% serious. Seriously. #crazyfornina

samantha-hoopes-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Woooooow. Ms. Hoopes, I have to admit this is the first time ever I’m not staring at your jugs. Wow! Ah wait, I’m starring at them again. But the mustache proves it – you’re definitely a keeper :-)

valerie-van-der-graaf-with-a-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

Nice touch with the stache, Valerie! Thank you for restoring my faith in the hotness of supermodels. You have done me and the world a service. Keep arching that back, and we’ll get along fine.

supermodels-with-mustaches-supermodel-girlfriend

So vogue. I think Victoria’s Secret needs to hire me to do a photo shoot. I clearly have the vision.

Wow, ok so that was so weird and completely unexpected. All those supermodels actually looked hotter with 7-11 mustache straw mustaches! I’m not going to try to explain why, I’m just going with it. And what I’m going with is that after seeing all these photos I can confidently say that my objective ability to rate supermodels is back… and Nina Agdal remains my favorite (click here to read my marriage proposal to her). Thank you 7-11! I don’t know where I’d be without you. Probably getting seduced by a sub-par supermodel.

Thank you for reading my article! If you enjoyed it, leave a comment below! And if you are a supermodel that has yet to be graced by my presence on a date to the South of France, go  fill out my Supermodel Girlfriend Application. I’ll read it over and get back to you if I think you’re hot enough to spend time with me. Thanks so much :-)

P.S. Oh, and thank you 7-11 for giving me a lifetime supply of Slurpies for so creatively advertising your new mustache straws. Let’s do it again some time :-)

10 Things That Are Better Than Dating A Supermodel

June 23, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Cris Urena, Maryna Linchuk, Natasha Barnard, Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

Let’s face it – dating supermodels has its perks, but as Rocky Balboa once said, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Sure, supermodels have rockin’ bodies and their comfort with getting undressed comes standard (and you know what that means). But the downside to dating supermodels is they have expensive tastes, they have predispositions to attitudes of staunch self-importance, and worst of all they often talk too much. And let’s face it, guys – the last thing we all want is to have some super hot supermodel babe going on and on about her feelings and who knows what else blah blah blah when all you want to do is take her clothes off and show her how you really feel.

So being a bit tired of all the misappropriated envy I get for having to deal with this gorgeous girl-nonsense, I’ve decided to write a list of 10 things that are actually better than dating a supermodel. My hope is that all you people go out and enjoy these things instead of spending your days dreaming about being as cool as me. And luckily for all of you normal folk, these things are pretty easy to experience! So you’ll no longer have any excuses for even thinking my life is so much better than yours (although let’s face it – it most definitely is).

That’s enough of an intro to stroke my ego. Let’s kick this list off!

#1. Slurpees On A Hot Summer Day

It’s the simple things in life that are often the most enjoyable. So when it’s 90 degrees outside on a summer day, you don’t need to be dating a supermodel to be happy because there’s really nothing better than going to 7-Eleven and getting a Slurpee. It’s 32 oz of slush heaven in a paper cup, and this year they’ve even introduced mustache straws for only 99 cents! I mean, what more could you ever want in life?! Trust me, if you’ve found the supreme joy of sitting on your porch and cooling off with an ice cold 7-11 Slurpee, then you really have no need to waste your time trying to date supermodels. You’ve already found the base of all that really matters in life.

Natasha-Barnard-7-11-eleven-mustache-supermodel-girlfriend

7-11 mustache straw for the win! You look good, Natasha. I’d still let you make out with me even if you had that much facial hair. In fact, now that I think about it, you’re actually kind of hotter with that mustache. Might be something to think about.

#2. Finding A Buffet With Two Independent Tubs of Nacho Cheese

Did I say you’ve already found all that really matters in life? I was wrong. If you’re lacking a supermodel girlfriend then you’ve only found all that matters in life if you’ve also stumbled across a buffet with two independent tubs of nacho cheese. I remember the first time this happened to me like it was yesterday. It was the winter of 2012 at the Golden Corral in Boise, Idaho. Golly, that was an incredible experience. Gorgeous, tanned, bikini wearing, supermodel brunettes could not have been further from my mind at this point in my existence except when I envisioned them being dipped in the nacho cheese tubs upside down like Dairy Queen ice cream cones. If you ever experience this level of buffet glory then you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

Read the rest of this entry →

How to Sit Next to the Cutest Girls on the Plane in 10 Easy Steps (part 1)

June 9, 2014 in Adam Dunlap, Candice Swanepoel, Maryna Linchuk, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Supermodels by Adam Dunlap

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I just returned from a trip to Guatemala where I went to meet a famous supermodel who applied to be my girlfriend (according to my privacy policy I can’t say her name). She was pretty amazing, but her boobs weren’t that big and she hasn’t yet graced the cover of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit magazine. I know what you’re thinking – I can do better. I thought the same thing, so I ultimately decided I wasn’t interested.

Even though the trip didn’t land me my supermodel honey, I’m pretty sure I did something that not even the most adept womanizers ever accomplish: I sat next to the cutest girl on the plane on every flight. And no, it had nothing to do with luck. I went five for five because I have a tried and true method that virtually never fails. I’ve never spoken of this method before today, but after the success of this trip I thought I’d finally explain it so that men everywhere can benefit from my unprecedented knowledge and experience.

My patent pending method is what I simply call My [Adam Dunlap’s] Tried and True Proven Method to Sit Next to the Cutest Girl on the Plane. It’s a 10 step process you can employ starting today to make sure that your previously boring sleep filled flights now become flirtatious excursions with the cutest girl in the stratosphere.

I’m going to explain all 10 steps, and although the steps are best followed completely and in order, each step actually stands alone as a strategy in and of itself. And yes, these tips generally work for women, too. But, if you’re cute then please don’t use them. You’ll just screw up the system for all the millions of guys out there who will soon be employing these tactics.

So without further ado, here are the 10 steps.

Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley-dive-right-in

Yup, I like your thinking, Rosie. Enough preface, let’s dive right in.

Step #1. Strategically Plan Your Destination

In order to sit next to the cutest girl on the plane there actually has to be cute girls on the plane to begin with. That’s why the first step in my 10 step strategy is to choose a destination that guarantees cute girls will be flying. I’ve been all over the world, and what I’ve found is that flights to and from tropical, impoverished, 3rd world countries usually have the highest boarding percentage of female honeys. I’ve found this is generally so because if native chicas are flying then you know they are upper class (so definitely refined and elegant), and if there are non-native females on the plane then you can be sure they are either exchange students, missionaries, volunteer workers for world health/improvement organizations, or just crazy sex-crazed college chicks going to Cancun for spring break. Either way, no matter when you fly you’re going to be inundated with a combination of sweet, outgoing, active, tanned multicultural, babettes. So my advice? Fly to Latin America.

Step #2. Learn Spanish

Now that you’re going to Latin America, do yourself a favor and learn Spanish. It’s a proven fact that speaking Spanish allows you to connect better with hot Spanish speaking babes. And what’s the point of sitting next to one of those if you can’t connect with her, right? Exactly. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Connection doesn’t mean anything. It’s all about boob size and hip-bust ratio.” I got it, I got it, and I agree. But pretending that the emotional connection with a woman carries at least some value will get you a long way. So pull out your Berlitz language guide and start studying your basics phrases. Or at the very least learn this phrase by heart: “Aye aye aye tu eres muy bonita. Cuando vamos a joder?” That one will get you a long way.

candice_swanepoel_green_lingerie

A picture taken of Candice Swanepoel. I’m pretty sure she was texting me during this photo. In my opinion this is how flight attendants should dress on all major airlines. Except the lingerie color needs to be orange.

Step #3. Book Your Travel Plans At The Last Minute

With a destination chosen and a fluency in Spanish speed seduction now at your disposal, you’re ready for step #3 which is the perfect man tip to validate your laziness. Simply wait until the last minute to book your ticket. Why this works is because by being one of the last to book your ticket it almost guarantees that your well-prepared destined flight babe has already booked her ticket. Once she has done this, you can simply select your seat to be next to her.

Now again with a rebuttal – you might be thinking, “Adam, that makes no sense! What does it matter if she books her ticket first? I still don’t know where she is sitting!” You make a good point, but in this case you just have to ignore your man logic which will always be wrong to her anyway. Trust me, this step is cosmically rational. The added elegance of this is that women like men who take initiative which is what you’ve just done by choosing to sit next to her. So when she makes you breakfast in bed the next morning and asks how in the world you two possibly met, you can explain the depth of your manliness to her added pleasure. And you can start your explanation with something like, “Well, I know this guy named Adam Dunlap, and he taught me….”

Step #4. Let Someone Else Book Your Flight

This fourth step (along with the 5th, 6th) relates to exactly how to book your flight and it’s suuuuuper important so pay attention. Step four is to make sure you have someone else book your flight for you. In addition to getting one more thing off your busy man-filled, car-fixing, football-watching, BBQ-grilling, nacho-cheese-fountain-designing, becoming-awesomer to-do list, this, again, like step 3, delegates your seat assignment to the cosmos. Trust me, you deserve to sit next to the most gorgeous babe on every flight for the rest of your life. And most importantly, the universe supports this view and wants to make it happen. So all you gotta’ do is get out of your own way, and the best way to do that is to have someone else choose your seat. Simple but powerful. Plus it gives you more time to memorize that “joder” line I taught you which you will definitely need.

Oh why hello there Ms. Maryna Linchuk. I feel like I saw you recently on a flight. You definitely weren’t dressed like this. Too bad, I probably would have introduced myself.

Click here to read part 2 of this article and learn steps 5 through 10!