8 Reasons Why I’m the Greatest Snuggler of All Time

August 2, 2015 by Adam Dunlap

Supermodels are constantly fighting over me and their place in the pecking order of my affections. This has become especially true over the last 30 days since I filed a restraining order against all but 3 of them. One of the many reasons why supermodels (and women everywhere) are so enamored with me is because I’m “the greatest snugglers of all time” (not my words). I’m not here to flaunt my talents, but I will explain the 8 reasons why I’m the best ever. By reading this, maybe you can learn something and become a better snuggler yourself.

8 Reasons Why I’ve The Greatest Snuggler of All Time

#1. I’m a Twin
In general, twins are the best snugglers. This is because they spend 9 months snuggling their twin in the womb, and then they usually spend the next few years of their lives sleeping in the arms of their twin. I have a twin sister, which means I basically came out of the birth canal an adept snuggler, and I’ve built on that by spending the last 29 years of my life perfecting my craft. As any supermodel will tell you, the results are mind-blowing.

#2. I’ve Had Extensive Practice Snuggling Supermodels Around The World
They say practice makes perfect, and it’s true. I get more focused snuggling practice with a more diverse group of gorgeous babes than anyone ever. My quest to find the perfect supermodel for me requires this, and the result is I spend just about every night innocently snuggling supermodels in romantic settings such as Paris, Cancun, and Macau. I learn something and get better every time.

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This is Jenna Pietersen. My memory gets hazy with all the supermodels I’ve snuggled, but I don’t think Jenna and I have ever snuggled. That’s OK. I am only one man and by definition that makes me a scarce resource. I simply don’t have time to snuggle all the gorgeous babes on the planet.

#3  I Never Break Snuggling Etiquette
If you want to be a great snuggler there are a couple natural sleeping tendencies and behaviors you have to overcome. These include things like fidgeting, snoring, sweating, stealing the covers, and talking in your sleep. Most men do at least two of these. I, however, don’t do any of these, and I never have. The result is always a very comfortable and uninterrupted night sleep for the lucky woman who falls asleep wrapped in my arms. In fact, I don’t even have a single snuggling complaint on my record.

#4. I Speak French
Trust me on this one: if you’re a woman, you want the man you’re snuggling to speak the ultimate romantic language – French. This is true even if you’re just snuggling platonically. If he doesn’t speak French you’re missing a powerful element. I speak French, ergo, my snuggle rating is higher.

#5. Harvard and Yale Concur that Snuggling Me Has Unprecedented and Powerfully Positive Biologically Effects on Women
At the request of researchers at Harvard and Yale, I have been the focused subject of multiple double-blind snuggle studies, and they have unanimously concluded that women who fall asleep in my arms experience reduced stress levels, more balance hormones, less anxiety and mood swings, and ultimately they are more rested and wake up more excited for life. In fact, I think their official conclusion was something like, “Holy smokes! Never in a million years did we dream we’d see such a positive effect from snuggling someone. Adam must be the greatest snuggler of all time! Any woman who gets to snuggle Adam Dunlap is definitely one of the luckiest women ever.” You can’t really argue this one since it’s coming from Harvard and Yale. I guess I really am that good.

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This is Yésica Toscanini from Argentina. I am open to snuggling with Yésica, but she can’t wear shoes. Gosh I hate it when supermodels try to wear shoes to bed! Socks are OK to fall asleep with, but shoes are not. When supermodels try to pull this one on me, I always kick them out of bed until they get their act together.

#6. I Don’t Judge Other Snugglers
One of the setbacks to being the greatest snuggler of all time is no one compares to me. You’d think that would make me pretentious and arrogant, but the truth is I never judge the women I snuggle with. Everyone has different snuggling abilities, and even though I’m the best, I don’t feel that makes me inherently better than any supermodels, surfer babes, or other gorgeous women who throw themselves as my feet. That’s the grace I give to women, and I’ve found they really appreciate it.

#7. My Arms Will Protect You Even If There is a 8.6 Magnitude Earthquake
As a man, one of the keys to being a good snuggler is to make your partner feel safe and protected. My broad shoulders and athletically toned physique assure women of this instantly. The result is they sleep better because as they fall asleep they subconsciously think, “Even if there is a 8.6 earthquake and this penthouse condo overlooking the ocean collapses, I know I’ll be safe in the rubble because Adam’s strong arms will shield me from the collapsing roof.” This is true, although I’ve never had to prove this one, and I’d rather not have to.

#8. My Snuggling is Endorsed by Nina Agdal
You don’t have to take my word for it. The hottest supermodel on the planet, Nina Agdal, endorses my snuggling. Go ahead and ask her if I’m a good snuggler or not. She might avoid the question and she might act coy, but when she finally gives you a solid answer it will be something like, “O. M. G. Yes! Adam is the greatest snuggler of all time!” Need I say more? Defense rests.

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Take it from the hottest supermodel on the planet. All bias aside, I think she is probably right – I am the greatest snuggler of all time.

So there you have it. Harvard, Yale, Nina Agdal and countless supermodels and surfer babes around the world corroborate the myth and confirm the truth that I’m the greatest snuggler of all time. Humbly I say, it’s a great honor to have this title, and I plan to continue sharing my snuggling abilities with gorgeous women around the world… until, of course, Nina Agdal accepts my marriage proposal, and from then on I will only snuggle her (I’m pretty sure Nina is the 2nd greatest snuggler of all time, so once it’s officially she and me, why would I snuggle anyone else?). My advice to all gorgeous women out there is to throw yourself at my feet while you still have the opportunity, and hope I give you a chance to snuggle me. If that doesn’t work, then wait until I release my book, “The Art of Snuggling,” and find a guy who has read it.

Thank you for reading, and please share this article with any eligible, elegant, supermodels you know. Plus tell them to fill out my Supermodel Girlfriend application so they can have a chance to snuggle with me. Thanks!

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The 8 Reasons Why I’m The Greatest Snuggler Of All Time

  1. I’m a Twin
  2. I’ve snuggled more gorgeous babes than any guy ever
  3. I never break snuggling etiquette
  4. I speak French
  5. Harvard and Yale concur that I am the best
  6. I don’t judge other snugglers
  7. My arms will protect you even if there is an 8.6 magnitude earthquake
  8. Nina Agdal says so

August 2, 2015 in Adam Dunlap, Featured Articles, Jenna Pietersen, Nina Agdal, Supermodels, Yésica Toscanini by Adam Dunlap